Silver Shahrazad
by LeFox
Summary: Slight KujaxOC. Every story has two sides, and everyone has their story. This is Kuja's.
1. A Chance Encounter

Author's Note: Another LeFox fic (translation: It should be pretty good...). This time, through the eyes of a man who wants to end his life... then comes face-to-face with the Angel of Death himself. I'll still work on my other fic, but this idea just popped up and I liked it. So there. This is also my only fic that gives the slightest hint of anti- Garland-ism, too. I know at least three reviewers I can count on... and they know who they are, the fabulous readers!! ...No, Fury... you're not one of them.  
  
KIERA DESERT  
I looked out over the desert. Wind whipped the sand into tiny sandstorms, while quicksand hid the monsters within. Oh, it was a savage place... and I wanted nothing more than to kill myself here. The Kiera Desert, where no one would ever find me. Ever. I could never be found, never be saved, and I'd never have to face my fiance again. Damn, it was the third time I had walked in on that woman to find another man with her... I was sick of it. She had sworn when I had proposed to her that there would be no more affairs, no more lies, no more secrets... my Jani was always such an excellent liar. Even when she swore it was over... she could still be so manipulative. Janira was so beautiful, she would have shamed Helen of Troy... but she used her beauty against me... and I was so tired of being hurt by that girl. I was twenty-seven, and I'd had enough pain to last me a lifetime. I had no friends, no family left. Jani was all I had. And I had lost her. I hadn't even told her what I was going to do... where I was going to go. As for her lover... he was once a good friend of mine. Bastard.  
  
I closed my eyes slowly. My plan was to climb up the cliff, then jump off. The sand was so rough, it would kill me on impact. But my arms were too weak from the battles I had fought just to get to the side of the cliff... even my plans for suicide couldn't go correctly. Everything seemed to go terribly wrong for me, while it improved for others. I looked at the sky, cursing it. "If you can't make my life easier, can't you at least let me end it!?" I yelled, knowing no one would hear me. No one was anywhere close enough to hear me...  
...So I thought.  
  
I think he had been watching me from the moment I had arrived at the Kiera Desert. Though why he didn't react for the longest time, I have to wonder. He must have seen me there, huddled at the foot of the cliff. I hate to admit it, but I think... I think he pitied me. I think maybe something inside him wished he could help me; stop me; even at his first glance at me. His day had been a relatively calm one, probably, he didn't tell me about it. In fact, come to think of it, he didn't really tell me about much of what had happened to him recently. All I can say is, when he first appeared to me, I thought I was seeing an angel. But I digress. Back to that night.... I was preparing to just let myself sleep on the rough sand... and then I heard it.  
  
"...Are you sure you wouldn't prefer sleeping somewhere more comfortable...?" I looked around, wildly searching for the source of the voice. It was deep, soft. Definitely male, but with just a brush of feminine lightness. ...Not unlike the reverse effect I got from his appearance. I could only gawk at him when I first noticed him. Tumbling waves of silver-white cascaded down his back, strangely accented by the upswept feathers at his forelock. Eyes of some strange variation of blue- violet stared at me... they were the saddest eyes I had ever seen in my entire life. That was hardly noticeable, however, with the reddish coloured eyeshadow boldly covering his eyelids. It wasn't the only makeup he was wearing, either. My eyes swept over his slender, girlish body. How I knew he was male--I'd even guess that he was somewhere in his mid- twenties, I have no idea. He was wearing armor... very revealing armor, at that. Flowing sleeves and... a skirt...? ...only added to the look of somewhat feminine beauty. He wore thigh-high boots. I can't remember if the boots added to his height or not... but then, I didn't spend the rest of the evening watching this strange man. He shifted awkwardly, obviously not used to being studied so closely.  
  
"...I'm sorry." I apologized, standing up and blushing. Gods, but he was even more beautiful than Jani! He shook his head. The sun danced on the silvery mane, blinding me for a moment. "...No, you're not... you have no reason to apologize. Life hasn't been too kind to you, why should you show any kindness to others..." his voice was about to drive me insane. I wanted to yell at him, but I kept my cool. "I don't even know you. You haven't been unkind to me." I replied, leaning against the cliff. Damn, this man intrigued me... who was he? Was he... an angel...? I wouldn't have thought it to be impossible; he sure did look like one. Except for those eyes. Deeper than an ocean, but they seemed to hold... so many tears that he had never cried. Never would cry... I wanted to cry for him... but I didn't know what I was crying for. He was staring at me calmly, then he shook his head again. "How do you know...?" he asked gently, and I wasn't sure what he meant. That I didn't know him, or that he had never been unkind to me? "...I know I've never met you. I'd remember you." I fought hard to keep emphasis off of the word 'you'. He looked away, almost as if something I had said hurt him. "...Sometimes... the things that hurt us are caused by those we don't know..." he whispered, suddenly very interested in the steel toe of his boot. He let the cryptic words hang in the air for a moment, before looking back at me with intense emotion.  
  
"But as I said earlier, if you are so intent on ending your life... at least let your last night be comfortable." he said slowly. "...This comes with a price, doesn't it," I asked, knowing that if he wanted to make me well-rested, it wouldn't come without its drawbacks. Not a man like this... he wouldn't just let some suicidal idiot rest at his expense. He was quiet for a long time. Obviously, he hadn't expected this. "...As with all favors, something has to be done in return..." he said softly, one hand catching a fistful of the white fabric at his thigh. I nodded. "So then... what's your favor?" I asked, wishing he would just name it. I was tired. "I... I just... You wouldn't agree." he finished lamely. He was visibly blushing, once again fascinated by his boot. "You're offering me a favor, but I can do nothing in return?" I asked, bewildered and getting slightly angry. "That just isn't fair!" He looked up, smirking. "You, the one who wants to end his life, are the authority on fairness?" there was acid in his usually smooth voice. I glared at him. "What are you saying I wouldn't agree to?" I demanded. His expression softened greatly, and he leaned on the rock wall beside me. He was so close, I could almost smell the delicate scent of his hair. "I need someone to... just to listen to me... someone who won't judge me..." his voice was barely audible. "But... you wouldn't be the type to listen to others' troubles, now would you...? You seem to have enough trouble on your own..."  
  
This soft-spoken request took me a moment to understand. When I did, I almost groaned. "So basically, you want someone who's gonna listen to your life story." I asked listlessly. He looked up sadly. I regretted the iciness I had shown him. "...I just want someone else to know... that I'm not what everyone thinks I am. That I'm just as human as... just as human as Zidane..." the last sentence was spoken just barely above a whisper, but with obvious bitterness. I was evidentally not meant to hear it. So I took the smart path and let him be. "...Fine... I'll... I'll lend an ear." I finally admitted defeat to my aching body, and looked at the small-framed man beside me. "Do you live somewhere nearby? I don't feel like walking far." He smiled, and pointed up. I looked to where he was pointing. A small ladder hung just a few feet up the cliff. I groaned. We did have to climb, after all. So I thought. The silver-tressed man touched my arm gently, and suddenly I was engulfed in bright blue light. So bright, it almost blinded me. Archaic symbols flashed around me, and I tried to see what each one looked like as it sped past.  
  
When the light faded, we were standing in a huge, circular bedroom, complete with a canopied bed and attached bathroom. It wasn't all too fancy, just really a place to sleep, dress, and relax. He had a bookcase against one wall, along with several paintings on the walls. Beautiful paintings of cities all over Gaia... Burmecia, Cleyra, Lindblum, Alexandria, Treno, Dali, Conde Petie, even Madain Sari. I glanced at the closest painting, one of Treno's famous Auction House. The artist had signed his work with a flourished 'K'. No second initial... strange. I continued looking around. The walls were a very faint lilac color, meeting halfway with a reddish coloured tile. The floor was also tiled, with dark violet marble, it seemed. The dressers were all a dark mahogany. The bed was huge, much too large for this tiny little thing by my side. And yet, this seemed to be his room... he sat on the edge of the enormous bed, patting it with one of his slender hands. I looked at him incredulously. "...I didn't come here to sleep with you!" I exclaimed, causing him to blush furiously. "I know that! I was only suggesting that you lie down while I tell my story. After all, the point of your visit is rest." he reminded me, still red in the face. I took the opportunity to observe him further. If I looked hard enough, I could tell that he was a cross between strikingly handsome, and inexplicably beautiful. He could have looked boyishly attractive if he would just change the few things about him that made him seem so decidedly feminine. He looked up, and I glanced away.  
  
"...Sir, do you often stare at those who offer you a favor, or am I just a special case?" he asked, standing up. "Well, actually, I tend to stare at those who happen to be abnormally beautiful," I replied, a line I had used to win over my Jani. This man smiled, rolling his eyes. "...I get that a lot, you know." he joked, shoving me onto the bed almost playfully. He stood over me, smirking slightly. How could someone look so damn good when my world had turned upside down so horribly? I sighed. "Are you ever going to tell me your name?" I asked, removing my shoes and climbing into the huge bed. He smiled, sweeping me an Alexandrian-style bow. "My name is Kuja. Nothing more, and nothing less."  
  
"Kuja..."  
  
Author's Note: So? Should I go any further, or what? To readers of Blinded by Love, I'll still work on that, so don't worry. Yes, I realize that I never mentioned what "I"'s name was. That was intentional. ...As with all of my fics, it's a slow start, but it's something. And from what I have done of chapter two, it seems to be getting better. I'm not sure if I'll have any shounen-ai or yaoi in here, but if I do, I'll letcha know! *smiles* I hope this turns out okay... 


	2. The Story Begins

Author's Note: *hugs Twilight's Star* Yay! My first review is from one of my favorite reviewers! ^-^ Anyway, I was planning to tell what the guy looks like, anyway, in this chapter. But let's be serious. Would Kuja be interested in talking to a butt-ugly guy? ...No, probably not. Neko, I have no intention on abandoning BBL!! *hugs her fic affectionately* I LOVE it!!! Yes, of COURSE you were one of the reviewers I mentioned! So was Angel of Death 87, but then, she knew that! ^.~* And whatever your questions about "I" were, feel free to ask. Wee . . . uh, nice name . . . Thanks for reading! Mystery . . . hm! Not intended, but always accepted! Steeple333, short and sweet! I like 'em that way! Sometimes . . . All reviews and reviewers are welcome!  
  
By the way, I gave him a name in this chapter. I realize that calling him "Mr. I" the whole time would get obnoxious and pointless. By the way, from here on out, the fic cycles between three POV's.  
1.) Present view: I's POV  
2.) Story-view: Kuja's POV  
3.) Past view: Authoress POV (this is during Kuja's flashbacks, and is usually marked with **)  
You can usually tell which POV is the current one, but if you have any questions, let me know, and I'll inform you!  
  
DESERT PALACE  
"Kuja . . . "  
  
I rolled the strange name on my tongue, testing it out. It seemed just as mysteriously beautiful as its owner. He was looking at me just as closely as I had been doing to him . . . well, I suppose it was only fair, an eye for an eye. His eyes roved over me carefully, watching me closely. For some reason, I wished I had combed my brass-blond hair a little better . . . but then, I had been planning to die, why would I bother looking classy? As always . . . I was from Esto Gaza, so I had always heard of the path of souls . . . always told that I had to look decent for visitors. Before leaving, I had changed to somewhat shabbier clothing . . . I must have looked so scruffy to this elegant man. I glanced up at him. "You have lovely eyes . . . so dark." he commented, tipping his head to one side. I blushed, though my dark skin probably didn't show it . . . thankfully. I'd hate to show embarrassment in front of Kuja . . . Kuja. What a name. What a beautiful name.  
  
"You know my name . . . why don't you introduce yourself?" he asked calmly, sitting on the bed next to me. His long legs stretched out gorgeously. Honestly, didn't he have a single flaw . . . ? "Just call me . . . just call me whatever you want." I shrugged, realizing that he could never call me anything cruel. He thought for a moment. "I'll call you . . . how about (A/N . . . this is going to sound familiar to some . . . ) . . . Blase?" he asked. I looked at him, startled. "How did you know... my name?" I asked. He smiled. "...I just like the name . . . " his voice was so soft. "I... I'm here for a reason . . . " I tried to brush off the suddenly uncomfortable atmosphere. He nodded, the feathers quivering slightly. I felt thrills move up and down my spine as Kuja's hand rested on my arm while he tried to get comfortable. His touch was incredibly soft- just like the feathers in his hair. He could make me react just like Jani could... though she didn't have the intensity in her eyes that he did. And she didn't really have his gorgeous body, either. He took a deep breath, closing those incredible eyes for a moment. "Where do I begin... twenty- four years' worth of living compressed into one night. ...Where would you like me to begin?" he asked, his eyes still closed. I felt strangely important suddenly. I controlled what I wanted to learn about him... "How about your childhood? Where are you from? Who are your parents? What did you do as a child?" I asked, looking at him. His eyes opened, sadder than before.  
  
"...Before I tell you that part of my story... I want you to understand something..." he stood, taking several steps backward. I looked at him, curious. "I am not from Gaia..." he said softly, and snapped his fingers. I gasped as a silver tail appeared behind him, and wrapped almost shyly around his ankle. He wasn't looking at me. I realized... he was scared! He was afraid of my reaction. "...So then..." I asked casually, "Where are you from?" He looked up at me, obviously surprised. "...You're not afraid?" he asked quietly, the tail swishing slightly, releasing his ankle. "What's to be afraid of? It's not like you changed a lot. It's just a tail." I said lightly, earning the maddeningly gorgeous smile back. He lied back down on the bed beside me, almost rolling on top of me this time. "Sorry," he said, inching away. The bed was like quicksand. He took a deep breath, preparing to tell me his own tale.  
  
I was born on a planet called Terra... well, actually, I was created on a planet called Terra. You see, I was one of perhaps thousands of creations known as Genomes... we were all created by a man named Garland. He was the devil in disguise. I won't go into detail on just how strong my hatred for him was... but I will say that I can never describe how many nights I went to bed covered in bruises... I can never recall just how many times I wished he was dead. All of the other Genomes were blond, with golden skin and tails... and those blank blue eyes. Always staring at blue light that eventually led them to blindness. They were soulless, and thus, unaware of what they were doing to themselves. Except two of them... but I'll eventually get around to them. Anyway... Garland's mission is simple... he wants to restore Terra by way of assimilating it with Gaia. And that is where I came in. Garland needed a way to kill many people at one time... someone who had a lot of magic power, and was able to charm people enough to get in with the right crowd. An "Angel of Death" so to speak... So, he created me. But for some reason... he didn't like me. I was his failure, and he reminded me of that often.  
  
I was labeled as an outcast from day one. I guess Garland created me to be different... to be the one he could always spot in a crowd. I hated him, just as strongly as he hated me. He never cared if I was happy or not... as long as he was pleased. You can translate that to "If he was happy, I was in pain." He usually beat me if one of his plans went wrong, even if I hadn't done anything wrong at all. If I wasn't around, he only beat me even harder when he found me... so I always stuck around. I cried... I used to beg him not to hurt me. I used to ask what I had done wrong, curling into a ball in a far corner when he began yelling at the emotionless Genomes...  
  
**"Kuja! Come here! Now!"  
"No, Master... No..."  
"Kuja!"  
"Please... I didn't do anything..." The old man grabbed the tiny boy's collar, pulling him violently to his feet.  
"You... you're bad luck! Every time you're around, my plans fail!"  
"Master... I... I'll leave..."  
"Not until I'm finished with you, you won't!"**  
  
...He would beat me until I screamed for his mercy. And even then... he usually wouldn't stop. He'd beat me senseless, then leave me for days. I would be starving, tired, and scared... so scared. I kept thinking that if I slept, he would come back... and beat me again. And I was even more afraid that I wouldn't wake up. As a child, you know... the world seems so wonderful to a normal child... to me, it was just an everyday living hell. I wanted to escape it. I would have accepted death with open arms. And I suffered through it for eight years... it wasn't fun. Nor was it easy. He would leave me on the floor of the Observatory, gasping for breath... dying... or so I hoped...  
  
I looked at Kuja with a new kind of admiration. Child abuse... God, I never would have expected that. He was so beautiful, so refined, I would have expected him to have been born and raised in a peaceful place, where everyone loved him... instead, the truth was that he had been abused by his father... or creator... and shunned by everyone else. I watched as he looked to his past, presumably fighting his old life. He looked at me strangely. "It's morning." he said quietly, and I had to think for a moment. Oh! Of course... my suicide... "Oh... but you're not finished yet.." I said disappointedly. Why did it have to end so soon...?  
  
"...you mean... you want to know more...?" Kuja asked softly. I nodded. "Kuja, tell me all of your secrets... I'll take them with me to my grave. Until then..." I smiled at him.  
  
"...I want to hear your story."  
  
Author's Note: Hope that wasn't too confusing. This is probably really short, but I'm pressed for time... Oh, well. Now does everyone understand the title? ^-^ I love this fic~! I love ALL of my fics! *goes back to work on Blinded by Love* 


	3. Madain Sari

Author's Note: Hi. How is everyone feeling today? I've been busy with school, etc., etc.. Seventh Grade sucks... ...Hey, Natia, are you enjoying Eighth Grade? *PsycheFox groans* But here's an update! Thank you for the reviews, O wonderful ones! Neko... *hugs Neko until her back breaks* Thanks! I needed the complement like you wouldn't believe! *Neko staggers away with obvious pain* Ominix, I WILL write more!!! Steeple333, I'd just like to take this opportunity to say that this is going to be a shounen-ai fic. Not a yaoi one. If there is any at all, it'll reach only a VERY slight lime level (Maybe a kiss or short limey stuff). Shahrazad is the girl who told the stories for the 1000 some-odd nights. Keep reading the fic to understand... Kd Zeal? I haven't heard from you since chapter two of Don't Love Me!! Where HAVE you been?? ...And where has PsycheFox gone, anyway... uh, now I'm talking to myself. And Laine likes fics about sleeping... so this starts out with Kuja sleeping! *really stupid grin* I try to satisfy all readers... By the way... um, this chapter gives a hint of Zidane/Kuja... but there is none! It's all brotherly love. ^.~ (Hey... does "brotherly love" really even exist? My two brothers are always beating each other up... ironically, the four year old beats the eleven year old...)  
  
...I'm going to start dividing Kuja's part from Blase's. I reread it last night, and decided that it was hard to tell where one person ended and another began. So...  
  
DESERT PALACE  
I couldn't help but think of him as a child... for one thing, he was so small-framed, and his smile was so childlike. The silvery tendrils fell in curls around his waist, some at his shoulders and face. He was asleep... he was tired. I had been wrong: without the makeup, he still looked somewhat feminine. But then, there was still that wild hair and the revealing clothes. I was supposed to be asleep, but I could only watch his peaceful face as he slept. He was truly ravishing... more so than Janira ever was. Or as she ever would be... He was confident with his body, whereas she had spent hours fussing over her hair; weight; makeup... I had thought it funny at one point. Now I saw it as foolish and unnecessary. Kuja was so easy. When he had combed out his hair and changed into a kind of sleeping gown, he pretended to fret about his hair becoming tangled in the bed as he slept. I couldn't help laughing at how much he reminded me of Jani... and yet, at the same time, they were nothing alike. Kuja was only teasing... and Jani was so stressful. Kuja was just... so relaxed... and he seemed to be so spontaneous in his actions. Never planning them... never seeming to need to. He spoke when he felt like it, made comments when he wanted to. I hated to compare him to Jani, but... I just kept doing it. Unwillingly, and somewhat unconsciously, I analyzed them.  
  
"Hm..." Kuja said sleepily, opening one eye and looking at me. "Good morning, Kuja." I said playfully, as he stretched his long, beautiful limbs. "Good morning... more like good afternoon." he replied, looking at the clock. "So, how did you sleep?" he asked. "Very well." I lied, still looking at him. He stood, and walked to the bathroom. Presumably to put on his makeup. For some reason, I grabbed his hand gently. He looked back, obviously confused. "Don't worry about it." I said softly, studying his face without the makeup. "You're gorgeous without it." He smiled, sitting back on the bed. "...So, you think I'm beautiful? Is that why you keep staring at me?" he asked. I blushed, realizing that I had just confessed to thinking that another man was just as lovely as any woman. Seeing as how I had been caught... I nodded. "You're an angel, aren't you?" I asked teasingly, running a hand through his silvery mane. Now it was his turn to blush. "...Are you flirting, perhaps?" he asked, his voice very breathy. My pulse quickened as the words 'of course I am.' came to mind. What was *wrong* with me? "I'm not flirting. Only teasing." I said, dropping my hand reluctantly. He nodded, though I think he knew exactly what I had been thinking.  
  
"So... where was I last night? Where did I end..." he asked, lying back into the bed. I lied back down, looking at him. "You said you wished you were dying... and then you reminded me that I was supposed to be." I replied, smiling at him. His eyes got that faraway look, and he began once again....  
  
=I was somewhere around eight years old, I suppose, when he was born. He was meant to be my replacement, though he was never really given a test for his aptitude. I never gave him the chance. He was just like all of the others, no matter how often Garland insisted that he was better. I knew that he was just another Genome, and that he was just as useless as any of them. But Garland wouldn't believe... the one I speak of is named Zidane. I admit it, I never really hated him personally. I hated the reason for which he lived... to take my place. Garland looks at all of his Angels of Death as interchangeable pieces of his puzzle, if one no longer fits... he can just replace it. And I had never seemed to fit in this plan of his... so there was Zidane. But I digress...  
  
Zidane was created a short while after my birthday, which in case you were wondering, was very uneventful. I had known about him for quite some time... after all, Garland always liked to brag about his latest creation, and how much better it was than myself. Bastard. - "Can I ask why you speak of him in both past and present tense?" - ...He isn't dead... but a lot has changed. I'm not afraid of him any longer, and that is quite an impressive feat. But anyhow... Zidane thought of me as an older brother. In truth, I suppose I felt like his brother... I felt responsible for him. Garland never payed him much attention, even with all of his persistent claims that he was he "Perfect" one. Even though I secretly despised the little brat, I played with him when he was bored. I talked to him when he was lonely. I got him food when he was hungry, water when he was thirsty. I held him when he cried. I was always willing to listen when he was complaining. I argued back when he wanted to debate... I was like his personal servant. After a while... I guess I started to like him... maybe even love him, as my brother. He was the only one who ever spent any time with me. Maybe that's the reason I showered so much attentiveness on him... I didn't want him to grow up feeling as lonely as I was... I didn't want him to long for love. He usually snuck into my bed at night. He'd whisper to me in the darkness, telling me that I wasn't alone... no matter how so I felt.  
  
** "Kuja, are you awake?" Kuja opened one eye sleepily, looking at the tiny boy at the side of his small bed. "...I am now," he replied, smiling falsely at him. "What is it, little Zidane?" it hurt to sound friendly to this little nuisance. Zidane's face turned pink, and he looked at the floor. "...I had a nightmare. I can't sleep." he looked up. "...Can I sleep with you, Kuja? Please?" Kuja sighed, scooting over slightly to allow room for the petite Genome to climb into the bed; without having to touch Kuja at all. However, Zidane wasn't one to respect personal space. He cuddled up to Kuja, burying his small face in his brother's shoulder-length hair. His stubby tail lashed Kuja's leg affectionately, as the older boy's wrapped around Zidane's waist loosely. A show of false love for the child. "I had a nightmare that you were runnin' away from me. I called your name, but you didn't turn around... I started to follow you. When I caught up, you told me you felt lonely... and that you didn't have anyone who cared 'bout you, so you were gonna run away." Zidane said quietly. "Hm..." Kuja replied, rolling over and reluctantly nuzzling against his small brother. "Kuja, I wanna tell you something." Zidane whispered. Kuja groaned, then tried to make it a noise he hoped sounded like a stifled yawn. "What is it, Zidane?" He asked quietly, thinking of how he would have to play with this little brat again tomorrow. He needed rest. "I love you, Kuja... and you shouldn't be so lonely. 'Cause you've got me. I'm your brother and... I love you!" Kuja's heart jolted suddenly, startled by the whispered words. Tears ran down his cheeks in the darkness, silent tears of... sadness? ...joy? ...love...? "Do you love me too, Kuja?" Zidane asked, his breath tickling Kuja's neck. The older boy bit his lip, praying that his voice was going to be steady. He pulled his tiny brother closer.  
"...yes, my little Zidane...." **  
  
After a long time, Zidane replaced my loneliness with laughter. He started becoming more and more of a child, less an Angel of Death. I guess in a way, I was Garland's cause for failure yet again... you see, it was because of me that Zidane was becoming a little boy instead of a weapon of mass destruction. And I, quite honestly, was proud of that fact. I didn't want Zidane to be a robot whose only mission in life was to destroy... I wanted him to be the smiling, loving child he was... forever. We were brothers for four years. Then, something terrible happened...=  
  
"What happened?" I asked, looking at him as he paused. "It... it hurts to think about it..." he said softly, sadly. "I didn't want it to happen... and I did my best to prevent it... but it still happened..." a single tear rolled down his face. I caught it on my fingertip, tilting Kuja's face until his eyes met mine. "Tell me. My purpose is to not judge you. I won't go back on my word, Kuja." He looked away mournfully, closing his eyes. "...you'd judge me for this one..." he whispered. "No, I wouldn't, I promise you." I replied, wrapping my arm around his thin shoulders; the way I had done for Jani as she told her first lies... 'I love you, Blase! I regret it so much... I'll never do it again.' 'I don't know what came over me! I promise, it'll never happen again.' 'Blase, you know I love you... please, give me one more chance.' ...I had been a fool to believe her all of those times. It had happened once, it would happen again. But unlike Jani, Kuja wasn't crying tears that were just as false as the words he spoke. No... I could tell this was something truly awful. But it couldn't be so terrible that I couldn't forgive him... or could it? No. Whatever it was, I'd let it be just a part of his past. The present was the only thing that mattered... "Kuja, just tell me. I won't judge. I haven't judged so far..." I reminded him. He leaned into my embrace, and I let my other arm wrap around him, as well. It wasn't love... not that way. I just wanted to comfort him. I released him gently, and he took a deep breath.  
  
=Zidane was four years old, and such a little ball of energy. I had trouble keeping up with him! ...And Garland was furious that Zidane had no interest in killing. My little Zidane only cared about playing and enjoying himself. And pleasing me. He had fun playing with me, seeing me smile. And I always thought "that's the way it should be."...the way it should have been for me, as a child. Garland's plan was ready to begin... and as they say, the show must go on. Even if the star doesn't want it to. I was the star of Garland's premier... Madain Sari, village of Summoners. Have you heard of Eidolons...? Magical creatures that can be called by a special tribe known as Summoners. Each has its own powers... each has its own skill. And each has its own Summoner... when the Summoner becomes sixteen, they choose their Eidolon, and they can then leave the village. But to continue, Garland feared the Eidolons. He wanted Madain Sari destroyed, and to do that, he needed special powers. ...Thus, I came in. I have my own little summoning ability... the Invincible's eye. Garland can only use it by drawing that power from me... it's a painful process. Until that night... I hadn't known... I hadn't known that I had that ability. I remember being scared... Garland called me to the Invincible's bridge. - "What is the Invincible...?" - Oh, of course... you wouldn't know... it's an airship, but a very well-decorated one. It was originally designed to be a battleship, but Terra's civilizations were wiped out before there was ever need to use it.  
  
Garland had called me to the Invincible's bridge, from which he led me to the control room... you see... the Invincible's eye has two stages. Mechanical is simply a red sphere which can use quite a bit of power to destroy... entire cities. In fact, this is the stage that destroyed Alexandria. Then there's the Magic eye... which looks like a real eye. This is the eye that I can call... this is the eye that destroyed Madain Sari. Garland told me about this eye as though he had already received the power. And then... then he told me to stand on the eye. I was a little unsure... but for reasons which I trust you can guess, I did as I was told. He raised a hand... and oh, how I regretted obeying him...  
  
Pain. Excruciating pain... it coursed through my body, like acid was flowing through my veins. I had to close my eyes... all I could see was red. I was terrified... screaming... begging him to stop... but... he wouldn't... At one point, I was lying on the eye, as pain pushed me to the breaking point. I opened my eyes... The screaming must have made me burst a blood vessel, because I had a nosebleed. I was in pain... so much pain... it hurt... so damn bad... and Garland was smiling at me. And behind him stood Zidane. He was crying, whispering my name... but I couldn't react to his voice... I wanted to lie to him, to tell him it didn't hurt that badly... that I was just a big baby... like a grown man who cries when he gets a flu shot. But I opened my mouth and only shrieks of agony came out...I was afraid he would shrnk away from me... though he was reaching out one of his small hands for me. I reached for it... and I grabbed it. The pain meant nothing after that. I had his reassurance... He was protecting me. Garland wasn't happy... but he did nothing. I almost wanted Zidane to leave... I didn't want him to see me in so much pain. I was bleeding, crying, still screaming... but the pain barely even got to me. I held onto Zidane's hand tightly... so tightly... while below us, Madain Sari was being destroyed. But I didn't know it... I didn't understand why Garland was putting me through this torture... I thought the pain was all my fault... a punishment for something I had done. When I learned that Madain Sari had been destroyed, I knew. I knew it was me... I knew that destruction had been my fault.=  
  
"You're wrong!" I yelled, grabbing his slender hands. He looked up, surprised. "You're wrong, Kuja. It wasn't your fault! Garland used you. It wasn't you... you didn't put yourself through that pain... God, Kuja... what would make you even assume it was all your fault..." There were tears in his eyes, but now he was smiling. "...you... you don't think it was my fault...?" he whispered softly, touching my cheek gently. I shook my head. "No. I don't. ...I'm sorry... I think I just judged." I smiled, as I pulled him back into my arms. I loved him... once again, not that way, but I loved his soft voice, his stories, his smile, his warm nature that clashed with his cold outer appearance. He rested his forehead against my neck, relaxing. "...I had to get rid of Zidane the next day... I didn't want him to go through that pain... so..." he was crying. "It's okay... just relax... it's getting late." I whispered to him.  
  
...Thus, he kept me alive another day. He was my Shahrazad... telling me stories, more every night, until I couldn't resist them. Couldn't resist him.  
  
Author's Note: ^___________^ What more can I say, huh? Yeah, it's gonna have some definite shounen-ai, possibly VERY brief yaoi. I love this fic! Not as much as my other ones, but hey. Anyhow, I made this chapter a little longer 'cause I don't know when I'll be able to update again... O.o Wait for me, wonderful reviewers! *begins crying* Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?  
  
Twilight's Star, about those writing lessons... I'll give you the best advice you can get: Write what you love, love what you write, accept advice, improve on perfection! ^.~ Advice I live and write by! (I don't assume I'm perfect, but I do my best and try to do better with each new chapter!)  
  
I'm also on fictionpress.com. Look for Azrael's Servant. ^.~* 


	4. Magic

Author's Note:  
I apologize for the long wait. I've been extremely busy lately... but I'm trying to keep updating. "Struggling" to keep updating, really... but anyhow. Neko, I feel your pain... My Pre-Algebra teacher hates me! She gave poor, unfortunate FoxFury detention. And she takes points off of my paper because I don't space things right. And because she thinks my variables are wrong... when it says "use x, y, OR a as variable." - ANGER!! Anyhow... thanks for hypnotizing me. I notice that you did that to Twilight's Star, too. Is this a new talent, or do you and PsycheFox have something in common? *glares at Natia* She tried to make me act like a chicken. She succeeded in making me eat chicken for dinner. She was mortified and called me a cannibal. I'm not particularly fond of vegetarians. I'd hate Natia if I hadn't met her through my stupid ex- boyfriend.  
Steeple3x3, I think you're absolutely right. A yaoi fic is usually a pointless mess of guys who seem to think, "hey, you're kinda cute, mister! Let's have sex even though we're supposed to be straight!" *flinches as she realizes that Don't Love Me was very similar to that kind of fic* Ah, anyway... this chapter is somewhat ridiculously strange. It's just a way to keep my readers happy, and keep myself busy... and I have to work my @$$ off to get math done. *growls as she goes to work updating her fictionpress story*  
  
DESERT PALACE (but you knew that... believe me, it will eventually change.)  
When I woke up the next day, I heard water running. Bath water... Kuja must have been taking a shower. I could smell the same scent that I got a whiff of every time he was close... some kind of lavender. It left me in a somewhat dreamy state, staring at the distant ceiling. I heard him singing, and I smiled. He truly was very down-to-earth, even with his ethereal beauty. His voice was-very slightly-off-key, and he didn't even try to tone it down enough to hide it. I could hear him giggle slightly if he hit a high note wrongly. I sighed wistfully, again comparing him to Jani. He was so free-spirited. So open with others, so accepting of himself. Jani... Jani was always shy, and so self-conscious. It would have been interesting if the two had met. But then again... would Kuja have changed from a meeting with her? Why couldn't Janira have been like him...? I had only known Kuja for... not even three days, now... and already I felt as if he was an old friend. He was revealing himself, his past, to me; bit by bit. I had hardly even known my fiancé... obviously.... I heard a slight "ouch!" then the sound of something light dropping on the floor. I suppressed a laugh. Kuja must have cut himself shaving. I distinctly heard him grumbling to himself, then he continued to sing. Such a quick recovery. I chuckled to myself, realizing something I hadn't noticed before. Kuja was also a narcissist. A heady one, at that. The water was turned off.  
  
After a few moments, the bathroom door opened, and Kuja emerged, wearing a dark violet silk robe. A kind of blue-violet faux fur rimmed the collar. The silvery waves spilled down his back as he straightened his feathers. I could see his bare feet and the last few inches of his ankles below the hem of his robe. Also, his shining silver tail peeked out, swishing languidly against the violet silk. He wasn't wearing makeup, with the exception of the slightest glimmer of lip gloss. He looked up at me through his dark lashes, smiling playfully. "You're staring again." he remarked, as he finished playing with the largest feather. "I find it hard to do otherwise," I replied, smiling back. He frowned slightly. "...I'd prefer if you'd stop talking like that." he noted. "Of course. I don't know what's gotten into me... I'm sorry." I said quietly, hating myself for saying something so tasteless. "Might I say one more thing?" I asked, looking up at him. He nodded, sitting in his usual place on the bed. Almost as if he belonged there. Almost like I didn't even exist... or as though I had always been there. "...You're even more ravishing than... my fiancé. You can't be anything other than an angel. Because... no one could ever be as gorgeous as you are and be a normal everyday person... you can't be imperfect." Kuja smiled sadly. "You're right... I was created to be perfect. I was the ideal Angel of Death... to some degree. I don't really know where I went wrong." he said quietly. I was silent, trying to think of something... anything... that could change the situation. I tucked an arm under his head. "I think Garland was the one who went wrong. Why don't you continue your story?" He smirked. "Quite a suggestion for someone who was groaning at the thought only two nights ago," I chuckled. "Well...?" I pushed, pulling him closer against me. He sighed, relaxing into the pillows.  
  
=After I sent Zidane away... Garland promised me he'd make me pay. And I never doubted that he would. I avoided him, up until my eighteenth birthday. But you see, during this time, I was developing my natural Mage abilities. I was created with Black Magic, but I wasn't satisfied... I wanted more. So... I fought what Garland called my "boundaries", and struggled for three years to learn how to do White and Red Magic. It was hard... but I refused to believe that Garland was right. I had grown up hearing that I could only learn the basic Black Mage skills... oh, that made me furious. I knew I was capable of more... so much more. And as I said, I fought against what were supposed to be my maximum abilities. I know more magic than Garland does, and I taught myself.  
  
On my seventeenth birthday, I accomplished more than I myself had ever expected. I learned Ultima. I fought my hardest to learn Flare Star, but instead... I achieved more than I had dreamed possible... I had never felt such pride in myself as I felt that day. But I also felt a strange sense of release... I had broken free of my master's control. He had no power over me any longer... I knew that no matter what, I could beat him. No matter what he threw at me, I could take it. I felt superior to everyone else in Bran Bal. Eventually, I began to change. I wanted to prove how very different I was. I changed the way I looked outside to match the perfection I felt inside. But over time, it wasn't enough anymore... because I felt empty. I had accomplished so much, but Garland never noticed it. I would have enjoyed it even if he had punished me for defying him and trying so hard... but he never even commented on it. He didn't even have a remark for me when I changed my outer appearance to further contrast myself from those without souls. I felt like a shadow... for even the other Genomes ignored me. It shouldn't have hurt me, because I knew enough to tell that their actions were the result of Garland's programming. But it bites as hard as a wound to know that no one cares... I did my best. A year later, Garland finally noticed me. I remember him saying '...You've changed.'. I wanted to slap him. After a whole year, he finally realized that I was different? All he was doing was flattering me. He needed an Angel of Death, and I was all he had.  
  
** "...You've changed." the old man said, studying his creation carefully for the first time in what seemed a lifetime. The silver-haired boy continued forming level-1 spells in the palm of his hand, not looking up. Garland smirked. Kuja truly had become a piece of art-right below his very nose. Silver hair tumbling down his slightly arched back, feathers sweeping up gracefully from his feminine face. Dark eyes lit with the fire in his hand, but contained more of their own brilliance than did the spell. His face and body were relaxed; he was calling the spells effortlessly. He was much taller than the other Genomes; with long, well-suited limbs. His clothing revealed his midriff, which was thin and girlish. Kuja betrayed no agitation, apart from the angry twitch of his tail.  
"Are you intending to answer me sometime today or tomorrow?" Garland inquired, watching Kuja closely. Dark-lashed eyes rolled up to face him. "I need to concentrate," Kuja said arrogantly. "You could have fooled me, boy." Garland said, standing and walking over to Kuja. "You call the spells as though they are a part of your own being... a part of your soul." "...I can hide frustration better than most people." The old man's eyebrows arched with amusement. "But how can you hide it quite so well when you cast spells as powerful as I can?" Kuja stuttered for a moment, unable to find words. "I am an actor. I can hide pain, frustration, pleasure... and I can cast spells that you don't even know!" the last words were a harsh whisper. "Kuja, you've changed since I last noticed you so closely. But why did you come to see me?" Garland asked, though he knew. "I've come to make sure you notice me. I'm sick of being invisible." the silver teenager said flatly. "Well. I've noticed you. Now leave, I have more important things to do." Kuja snorted slightly. "What about the years you used to beat me if I wasn't around? Or even if I was?" Garland paused. How could he remember that? It had been when he was less than five years old... "You have a decent memory." the old man said gently. He had to have Kuja's trust! Sending a servant to Gaia who didn't have a strong reliance on him could result in disaster...  
"You're right, Garland, I do have a good memory. I remember everything. And I don't forgive what I can't forget." **  
  
He wasn't happy to find that he couldn't use me like he had planned. He had to fight it out of me, and that didn't really happen until I was almost twenty-one years old. I refused to accept that he was my master, after all that he had done to me. I was far too independent for him to do that. And he noticed it, too! When I finally agreed to come to Gaia, it was for my own benefit, not his. I wanted the power of the Eidolons, I wanted to defeat him with the power he feared the most. But it wasn't possible to go to Gaia without his permission, without having a decent reason for being there. I accepted his mission.=  
  
I stared at Kuja for a moment, wondering exactly who he was... and what his purpose for being here was. "Kuja... you're not going... to harm me, are you?" I asked, receiving a hurt look. "...I need someone who trusts me... can't you trust me...?" he asked, and I know I saw him fighting tears. Gods, but he was beautiful. I tugged his warm body against me, trying to comfort my strange friend. "I trust you. But don't you dare betray that trust. I want to kill myself... don't take the pleasure away." I felt him laugh weakly against my chest. "...Thank you." he said softly, closing his eyes. Honestly, that man slept so much it was insane. And yet... he was so gorgeous asleep. It seemed to be the only place he could find honest comfort. I sighed. It was mid morning, and he was going back to sleep. What was I going to do with the rest of my day...? Sleep, obviously... sleep and dream.  
...And dreams can take you to the strangest places.  
  
...like Kuja's past, for instance.  
  
Author's Note: *shy look* Well... that wasn't as bad as it could have been... I've had a serious case of writer's block lately, and I haven't had the time to get rid of it. I hate Pre-Algebra. '~' 


	5. In Your Dreams

  
  


QUOTE OF THE DAY: 

"Wen' ou-side, came back iiiinnnn... wen' ou-siiide, came back iiiiinnnn... ... ... And then, in the afternoon... Wen' ou-siiide, came back iiiinnn...." (If you ever find yourself in Branson, Missouri, I recommend the Showboat Branson Belle. Irving the talking dog is so funny, you'll wet yourself. No, seriously. I almost peed my pants.)

  
  


Author's Note: ...Been a while, hasn't it? Sorry, I got caught sneaking onto the internet at night... and uh, well... I was grounded. -_-; But we can ignore that. Hi, y'all! Thanks for coming back. Again. ^.^ I'm enjoying this fic more than I ever thought possible!! And that's saying something! Twilight's Star, thanks for reviewing Light of the Stars! ...I updated again, if you didn't know! Anyhow, I DID have writer's block. A huge case of it, too... -_-; And then, Neko hypnotized me! Ever since, I've been obsessed with writing and typing. I filled up a seven-subject notebook while on vacation in Branson. And it was only three days. And it was really only a few hours. But what else can you do when you don't have the internet, and your camper is about as big as four tiny closets, and you have a five-person family?? Sit on your parent's (much larger) bed, and write 'til your fingers hurt, of course! So, I've got a new idea, a new chapter, and a chapter in the progress of being typed. Neko, your hypnosis abilities astound me.

  
  


(This chapter gets confusing. The italics [yeah, finally figured out how to change it to html!] are Blase's dream. The regular writing is Kuja's POV, but not as he's talking to Blase. This is kind of an introspect-chapter.)

  
  


DREAM-WORLD

The silver-haired boy in his late teens ran a hand through the dense Mist. He was crying silently, tears of loneliness and rejection. Tiny white sparkles in the Mist danced from his fingers, making trails that lasted for several moments before fading into the shifting white fog. "I don't need friends... I can create my own..." he said softly, clenching his hand into a loose fist. He closed his eyes, focusing. The Mist seemed to collect in front of him, forming a vague figure. It twisted and grew until Kuja reopened his eyes. He reached forward almost tentatively to touch the form... and the Mist dissolved into a feathery dragon with hidden eyes. "You.. you're a Silver Dragon!" Kuja exclaimed joyously, stroking the creature's feathers. "...So... you are my first companion?" he asked, as the dragon nudged his stomach gently. A low growl emanated from her throat as she embraced her creator with soft-downed wings. 

  
  


The Silver Dragon was my first real friend in years. She was the only one who dared to care about me. When I first created her, I was scared... I didn't know how she would treat me. But she liked me... maybe even loved me. And she was precious to me. I protected her as she protected me. She cared for me as I cared for her. A little while after I created her, I created little Vivi. I was thrilled with my latest creation. He called me Kujie, something that I still find rather embarrassing. But when you're eighteen and have gone for perhaps six years without affection from another, anything is acceptable. I doted on them both. Vivi became almost like Zidane had been: loving, playful, and easily entertained. I adored him. As for the Silver Dragon... she was like a mother. She couldn't stand it when Garland would yell at me. She would always have to check me over when he left, as though his words could damage me physically.

  
  


The dragon roared in soft outrage as the old man's words caused her companion to flinch under their malice. He was being unreasonable. Kuja was unwilling to go on this escapade to Gaia for the sake of eliminating as many lives as possible to upset the Cycle of Souls. But Garland insisted. Silent tears were falling down Kuja's cheeks as he listened to his mission's outline. The old man turned away, walking out of the room. The gentle dragon nudged a small figure by her front right leg. A tiny black mage squirmed unhappily. "Kujie, what's wrong?" the tiny boy asked, looking up at the tall teenager adoringly. "...Vivi... I'm sorry..." Kuja said softly, pulling the small child into his arms. "Sorry for what, Kujie?" 

"...I have to get you out of here."

  
  


Was I scared...? What a ridiculous question. I wasn't scared... I was only afraid for Vivi's sake... what would I do with him? I couldn't keep him with me on Terra... so I had to take him to the safest place I knew: somewhere no one would look on Gaia. But he needed a protector. Someone too thick-headed, too caring, or at the very least, too afraid to hurt little Vivi. Quan was everything I was looking for. I watched the aging Qu as he went about his daily chores, making sure that he was truly what I needed. Granted, he wasn't the sharpest knife in the set, but he was different... and he was lonely. That much was obvious. He would skip a meal now and then-quite a feat for a Qu-and think about his solitude. I almost felt sorry for him. But the thought occurred to me that I could help him. The only problem I had was getting Vivi to him.

  
  


Kuja stared blankly at the dangling line. Quan was fishing... in the Mist? Foolish, but useful. Vivi's clothing was loose, and could get hooked on the line. Vivi would be saved from Garland's harsh words, and the tests and experiments that were required of a prototype. He wouldn't have to see Kuja's tears, and hear him sobbing at night. Vivi would never have to see the blood of millions spilled. It would be over... Vivi would be safe! But the Genome hesitated, holding Vivi close. This was just like Zidane... but it was a Qu instead of a thief. It wasn't going to be a tiny homeless child waking up on a man's doorstep with his brother hiding in the shadows... making sure everything was okay. It was going to be a boy with memories that would fade away like the innocence of the older boy who held him. It would be a hard goodbye... Kuja hadn't had the heart to erase his memory as he had done to Zidane. Vivi was all too precious. "Kujie, what's going on...?" Vivi asked, as a shining tear rolled down Kuja's face, dropping onto Vivi's. Kuja hooked Vivi gently on the suspended line, and gave it a tug. He kissed Vivi gently on the cheek. "...Please don't forget me, Vivi..." he whispered, and the small mage nodded with some confusion. Then, he was gone, moving upward into the blinding sunlight.

  
  


To be completely honest, I never thought I'd see Vivi again. I remember crying into the Silver Dragon's wings until the sun rose two days later-I'd never cried so long before in my life. She did everything she could to comfort me... but nothing was enough. Not even her tenderhearted nature could make me feel whole again. That was two parts of my life, huge parts, gone. I felt as though a hole that had been twice repaired was torn once again, and nothing could fill it. But eventually, bitterness replaced the love of those two children I had needed so deeply. For the longest time, I was nothing at all... merely a shadow. Until I turned twenty-one, I was about as noticeable as Mist on the Mist Continent. I existed, and everyone knew I was there... but they lived around me, letting my existence go unnoticed. And for once, it didn't bother me. All I wanted was to be alone.

...So I faded away.

  
  
  
  


Author's Note: ...

*sings a Celine Dion song* 

*everyone flinches at her singing voice* 

*she doesn't really care*

  
  


I'm really sorry about the shortness! But now that I've gotten Blinded by Love all typed up, I can focus more intently on this fic! And that means... yep! More fictionpress.com updates, too! ^.~ I can finally turn my attention to one fic at a time. *contented sigh* ....But those who know me know that I'm not one to just relax... Yep! There's likely to be another fic in the future. But I'm gonna get it all written out first. A favorite author of mine, DarkMessenger1, let me know that they wanted two things: 

1.) To use Raz in one of their upcoming fics

2.) Another fic like By/On Your Side! 

So that's my newest project. It's gonna be a prequel-ish fic, and I hope it turns out as good as the first two.


	6. Losing Yourself

Author's Note: Welcome back, Angel of Death 87!! I'm glad you like this fic! (I suffered through a horrible case of Writer's Block after the completion of Blinded by Love... but now I'm back on track.) I'm stuck on my FictionPress.com story, though... I blame it on Raz... he ran off with my written work. And I'm going to Email the last few chapters to you as soon as... well... as soon as I can, I guess. *looks around* You see... I'm not supposed to be on right now... it's just before midnight, and I didn't get on earlier, so I just snuck on. -____,- If my parents ever knew... wait... they do know... they don't think their daughter is intelligent enough to guess what the password is... *devilish laughter* Anyway, thanks for kicking Garland... I don't think I could have done that... you know my little... (problem)... with hating Garland. This fic is really HARD to write! *hugs a random plushie to soothe herself* *...It looks weirdly like a moogle*  
Neko Kuroban... *hugs back* Did you call me your idol? Wow... I've gotten so many complements... Ironically, I got your review just before I had to dash off to school! So... maybe you reviewed at the same time I checked? That would be weird... and cool... at the same time. *spins around in her spinning chair while clicking her pen annoyingly* Hm... sorry, that's just what I do when I think! ^^; Anyways, I don't know what Escaflowne is. I've heard of it... but... well... The End. I've heard of it, and that's all. *stretches* It's been a looonnnng day... Gym stinks... no, seriously, it DOES. Shawn N. stinks like crazy... I wonder if he knows what deodorant is for... What does Paige see in him...? What does ANYONE see in him... ...Oops, I'm digressing...  
Twilight's Star... *long pause, complete with signs of obvious restraint* ...*glomps TS* I read what you put on your website! ^_____^ I don't think I'm THAT great, but... *blushes* ...it's nice to be appreciated... *melts into a puddle of goo at TS's feet*  
PsycheFox: ...Somebody get the mop...  
FoxFury: Two bad things about LeFox... she's hard to get along with, and she's easily flattered.  
Goo: *bubbles* Zippity-doo-dah, Zippity-ay! *bubbles*  
PsycheFox: ...-_-; Dumb blonde...  
Goo: *bubbles* I resent that! *bubbles*  
PsycheFox: ...And what are ya gonna do about it? Bubble at me?  
Goo: *...almost sarcastic bubble...*  
  
DESERT PALACE  
I woke up slowly, my thoughts still drifting through the past. What had I seen...? Was that Kuja's past? Kuja... maybe he was the dream. I felt silky hair against my arm, and I subconsciously realized that I was holding a smaller warm body against mine. I heard gentle breathing... felt it tickle my skin. A furry tail swished against my leg, brushing over it. The contact gave me warm shivers. I opened my eyes slowly, looking at the angel by my side. He was already awake... a smile teased his lips. "Good morning," he said quietly, with sleepiness still in his voice. "...Good morning, yourself." I replied, and he sat up, stretching. "I... I think we're friends now, right, Blase?" he sighed, looking sad suddenly. I was surprised-of course we were friends. What else could we possibly be...? "Why do you ask?" it seemed an adequate response. "Because... well... friends don't want to see... their friends die. And Blase... I don't really want to see you die... You're the only person who's ever listened to me. I feel comfortable talking to you... I don't have to act like I hold the world on a string..." He seemed restrained, unable to express himself. Quite unlike himself.  
  
"Kuja... I don't know what you mean..." I said quietly, but I did know. After I was gone, who would be there for him? When he wanted to talk, who would listen? If he was crying, who was going to wipe away his tears? Who would be there to share his success, his failures, his dreams, his nightmares, his past, his present, and his future? He was lonely. I... I had become a staple for him, something he couldn't live without. He turned to me, tears sparkling in his eyes, though he was smiling. "Blase... I'll miss you... when you're gone. I have many companions in various cities, except that they... they don't really... how do I say this... know me. People see me as this refined, proper man who vanishes from time to time to do business elsewhere, business they know little or nothing about. If not, they see me as a cold-hearted villain who destroyed things they treasured... and sometimes... sometimes... I wish I could just close my eyes... close my mind... and find out what it is that I truly am." he sighed, sitting on the bed with his back turned to me. His tail was limp. He appeared almost confused about this situation, as though it were completely different from any other he had ever experienced. It probably was.  
  
"...I think it's up to you to decide who you are, Kuja. If you decide to believe what others say... that's your choice. But if you were to ask my opinion.... I'd say... you're the most incredible person I've ever met. You are who you are... you don't try to hide it. Kuja, I was raised with the belief that everyone has a chance to reveal who they are... I think this is your chance, and you haven't passed it by. So..." I smiled mischievously, drawing him into my arms carefully. "...why don't you continue?" I earned a laugh, along with a tall silvery body cuddling closer into my arms. He was happy. The tail swished with pleasure. "Can I start after our shared dream?" he asked. I didn't question how he knew I had experienced the dream, as well. I nodded.  
  
=As time went on, I became less and less of a living creature. I didn't eat well, I didn't sleep at all, I didn't bathe... I didn't feel like existing anymore. I had lost so much in such a short amount of time, and it hit me where it hurt the most: my heart. My very soul seemed broken. I became more of a Genome, but I lingered in the shadows of hell instead of the bright lights of Terra. My mind was never with the rest of me; it was as inexistant as I was. Garland noticed, but he let it go. He believed that I would come around eventually... what a laugh. He could have screamed in my face, or better yet, smacked me as hard as he could, but it ceased to affect me. As I said, my mind and body weren't in the same place. I don't know everything that happened during the missing year of my life... from the time I was nineteen until shortly after my twenty- first birthday. Maybe nothing at all happened. I wasn't aware of living during that time... I moved through the world as though I were a ghost from the past. And everyone let me be the unexplainable, unnoticeable one. I was an outcast.  
  
I think my unawareness caught up with me... that's how it must have happened. I was lying awake one night, watching shadows on the walls. And as always, my mind was traveling across the world... and beyond. It was cold... that's my first memory. It was cold. A noticed that... I had never felt in a whole year... pain, emotions, temperature. But I noticed that it was cold... and I also realized that I wasn't lying comfortably... and then, I was able to tell that I was crying. In my heart, I felt empty. I was nothing... I was nothing at all. Just a useless child in the body of an adult. I remember whispering to myself that night. I remember telling myself to come back... I remember wishing I felt whole. For the first time in my entire life, I felt innocent... and robbed of my innocense. I felt as though part of me had been stolen. I got up that instant... and ran. I ran out of Bran Bal, and past Pandemonium. I went further than I had ever gone. I think... I think I was looking for myself. As I said, my mind was never wtih my body... maybe I was looking for my mind. Or maybe... maybe I was trying to escape myself. I'll never know. But I collapsed, tired and unable to continue moving even another inch, by a rock wall. The blue light hurt... but I didn't feel it. I think I might have gone blind for a while. Garland found me the next morning.  
  
**Garland pushed his way through the Terran brush, looking for what had caused all of the ruckus the night before. He had been aroused by the sound of something tearing through this area... and now, he wanted to know what it had been. He entered a field of rocks. Something seemed to draw him toward the large rock wall in the farthest point of the field. There, he found Kuja-trembling and saying his own name over and over again. The old man sighed. He didn't have time for this! He grabbed the younger man by the arm, and lifted him to h is feet. Kuja was as good as mindless, anyway. Then, something Garland hadn't expected happened... Kuja looked into his eyes. Garland faltered severely. Kuja's eyes were anything but blank and dead, as they had been. They were full of fire, and great quantities of confusion. "What... what happened to you?" Garland asked slowly, as Kuja fell limply against the wall, still whispering his name.  
"...I'm... I'm alive..." Kuja said slowly. "...I... feel... alive... again..." He tipped his head up so that the light hit his face only gently. Garland was in shock. Kuja was himself again. Like he had always been. The old man watched the Genome as the Terran light made him sparkle. He was alive. Very much so.  
...Kuja was ready.**  
  
After that, it was training, training, and more training. Garland taught me how to hone my skills in magic so that they became even more powerful. He taught me how to summon the Invincible's eye on my own. He taught me how to call Eidolons. He taught me how to do many things, and I carry the knowledge with me to this day. I became a complete egomaniac as time went by, obsessed with my success. And Garland was proud of me, too. That was the best part... Garland was impressed. He knew I was worth it. He never spoke of Zidane after he watched me cast Ultima. Never. Not until after Zidane came back into our lives. And I wasn't ready to share the glory with a shadow of my past.=  
  
"Is that where you're stopping?" I asked incredulously, as he leaned back against me. He nodded slyly, looking up at me. "That's where I'm stopping."  
  
Author's Note: hehehe... Cliffhanger....! *readers groan* Anyway, chapter seven is easily summed up: what happens between Kuja and Queen Brahne. I might get to Burmecia... I might not! You just hafta review! 


	7. Who Are You Really

Author's Note: *trying to pry off Twilight's Star* ...Okay, I'm having a bit of technical trouble, involving the fact that I recently became solid again... and in the process, caused TS to latch onto me. This makes it increasingly difficult to type... and even harder to think... *Kuja and his band of shounen-ai buddies (Raz, Blade, Blase, and TS's Kain) snicker* And she keeps POKING me! I find this VERY annoying. And then, there's Neko who's threatening to put me in handcuffs! What is WRONG with you people? Is school starting to get to you?! ...I ask this because yesterday, I was cleaning three dog pens and humming that tropical-soundin' Chocobo theme song. Insanity, I tell you!

Kuja: Yes, you're insane all right.

Blase: No doubt in the world.

Raz: Crazy.

Kain: Yep.

The other guys: ...What are you doing in a LeFox fic?

Kain: What's Raz doing in Silver Shahrazad?

Raz: I'm also Fox's cat. Meow! *turns into a small grey cat and sits contentedly in Kuja's lap*

LeFox: AHAHAHA! *grabs the poor kitty* So! YOU'RE THE ONE STEALING THE MILK FROM MY BREAKFAST!

Raz: No, that would be Artimis... Stupid Persian...

LeFox: Don't... you... dare... insult... my... ARTIE!

Raz: Uh, maybe it was Sno-Ball!? Hehe, or Shadow? I'm... I'm not biased, but I don't like Siamese...

LeFox: *looks angrier than ever* Shadow is an outside cat, Razzie... just like you will be!

Raz: Maybe it was Spunky?

LeFox: ...Spunky... Spunk likes milk... but he can't jump that high! He's too fat!

Raz: Um, can we... get on with the fic?!

Readers: Yeah!

LeFox: ...Okay...

  
  


DESERT PALACE

I flipped through the book I was holding listlessly. I couldn't focus on anything... Kuja had left me hanging the night before. And now, he was standing before a full-length mirror, pulling a comb with an engraved handle through his hair, carefully avoiding the feathers. He had a special tiny comb for those. I stared up at his reflection in the mirror. He looked back at me in his image, smiling teasingly. He was such a bastard... and such an angel. He placed the comb on the dresser by the mirror, picking up the miniature one and intently combed each feather slowly. I almost laughed then, comparing him to a bird. I wondered if he lost his feathers once a year... and then they regrew? And now he looked as if he were preening. He finished, and looked back at me strangely. "I was under the impression that you were reading...?" he said, his voice almost a purr. I smiled in a way that could almost be called seductively. He was wearing that revealing outfit again... only without shoes. His tail was hidden again... I wasn't used to it. I felt as though I were looking at a stranger; and I didn't like it. He carefully applied his makeup. I felt almost wary now. He was going out today... was he going to leave me here....? 

  
  


"Are you going somewhere?" I asked, trying to keep the hurt sound out of my voice. He smiled softly, and I recognized him again. "I was hoping you would come with me, actually... I've gotten so tired of staying inside all of the time... I was thinking a trip would help." he said almost shyly, walking over and taking my hand. "Please come with me, Blase..." he was begging me. "Where would we be going to?" I asked cautiously. "...Wherever you would like." he replied, sitting on the bed by my side. I studied his expression. He was staring at the floor quietly, awaiting my answer. He didn't even look like my Kuja... the one I had spent so much time with. "Who are you, really?" I asked, not realizing that I had spoken aloud. He looked at me with shock in his eyes. "Wh-What...? What do you mean?" he asked disbelievingly. "Haven't I been honest with you? Haven't I told you everything... even the things I never admitted to myself... I... I even told you about Madain Sari! Do you know what it took to confess to that...? Do you realize how much of myself I've revealed to you?!" he was shouting through tears, standing and glaring at me. I didn't know how to respond. Of course I knew... he had told me everything... trusting me. But I didn't know what to say to this teary-eyed riddle of a storyteller. So of course, he had no idea what I meant to say to him, whatever that was.

  
  


"I can't believe I opened everything to you... I revealed everything... damn you! Damn you!" He tore away, running from the room. I could only stare after him, praying he would return. ...But as most of my prayers go, I took the initiative and ran after him. I didn't know the way around the Desert Palace, and Kuja was much lighter and faster, so I was at a disadvantage. I let my heart lead me, and my feet carry me. I passed stained glass windows, statues, and paintings. I went through hallways, stairwells, and balconies, looking for him. After what seemed an eternity, I entered what seemed to be the dungeon. "Kuja?" I called, entering a small room off to the side. It was obviously a torture room (Angel of Death 87, I noticed this too... PsycheFox thought it was used for... other reasons.). And that's where I found him. He was huddled next to a wall, tears spilling down his cheeks. His makeup was running. "Kuja... I didn't mean it that way... I meant that I don't recognize you like this..." I held his chin in my hand for a moment, then kissed his forehead. I felt him wrap his arms around me gently. "Blase... I thought... I thought you meant that you didn't trust me... that you didn't... think I was being sincere... but I'd never lie to you... Never... I promise..." he whispered, and I knew it was him... I knew it was the same Kuja who had told me those beautiful and horrifying stories. 

  
  


"About that trip... what if I suggested that we go to Alexandria... I heard it's being rebuilt." I suggested. He buried his face in my neck, and I know he started crying harder. Much harder. He stayed that way for at least ten minutes... and I held him as tightly as I could. And then I knew... it was just as I had suspected... he was the one who had attacked Alexandria. It had been my worst fear, and my most dreaded hunch. The high priest of Esto Gaza had said that the Black Mages that had entered Mount Gulug were accompanied by a man with silver hair wearing revealing clothing. And the Black Mages had attacked Lindblum... so would they not have been involved ith Alexandria's destruction, as well? But I couldn't find any anger toward the sobbing man in my arms. I felt nothing but compassion for him. Compassion and love. "How did it happen, Kuja..." It was more of a statement than a question. He flicked his tail. "It... it was my mission..."

  
  


=My duty to Garland consisted of finding someone with a greedy soul and taking advantage of them. I searched for someone who fit that outline... who was in a position of power, and who would thus have militaristic resources that I could use. Queen Brahne of Alexandria wasn't willing to become militarily active at first, but at my promise of power, her greed made her give in. Her general, Beatrix, was fond of me at first... we became friends slowly, but that companionship faded altogether when... well, we'll get there. The other part of my mission included finding a summoner... that was my personal mission. I planned to find a summoner so I could use their Eidolons... consequently, I found Princess Garnet Til Alexandros very useful... you see, she was born in Madain Sari. A sequence of events led to the queen's adoption of the summoner girl... I used Brahne's position as both a queen and a mother. 

  
  


I first met the queen accidentally. And it was a... rather embarrassing first meeting, as well. She had taken a trip to Lindblum, and in an attempt to obtain some privacy, she had gone with Beatrix and a couple of her soldiers to Pinnacle Rocks. Likewise, I had gone to Pinnacle Rocks upon hearing that there was a strange ghost there. I suspected that it was, in truth, an Eidolon. Haha... I'm not much of a rock climber, as you could probably guess. I slipped and fell from a high branch into the river... and I was pretty beaten up from the fall onto the rocky riverbed. I was bleeding heavily. And that was how Beatrix found me. I guess it was a sympathy game at first.

  
  


** "Your Majesty, look!" General Beatrix exclaimed, pointing to the river below them. Queen Brahne looked down with some effort. It felt dangerous to be this high on such a thin branch... and she certainly wasn't the acrobat of the year. She gasped at what she saw. Red flowed with the clear water, standing out vividly and ominously. Blood... something was dead or injured. The younger of the two soldiers with them cringed. "Ugh... I guess a Zaghnol died and the bats are having a party..." she said, with disgust in her voice. "Beatrix, go up ahead and see what it is." Brahne ordered, not wanting to see for herself. Beatrix smiled discreetly. Her queen was squeamish. The General went on alone, following the twisting vines. Finally... she found him.

"Dear Gods! Are you alright!?" she exclaimed, leaping down beside the collapsed body. He was soaked in water and blood, with huge gashes all over his slender body. She splashed water on the boy's face, saying, "Wake up... come on, I can feel your pulse..." over and over. She sighed. She wasn't nearly strong enough to lift him when he was carrying at least two extra pounds' worth of water. His breathing was shaky. "Your Majesty! Come quick! Please, hurry!" she called desperately. **

  
  


They rushed me to Alexandria. I was only partially aware of what was happening... I had lost so much blood... At the time, all I could see was red. Bright, terrible red, which faded to black before appearing vividly before my eyes again. I was unconscious for two days, lying in the soldiers' barracks. Not the shabby ones of the Pluto Knights... the ones belonging to the Alexandrian army. I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't get to enjoy the elaborate decor of the barracks. When I finally woke up, General Beatrix was there. I found out later that she had watched over me for those two days. She asked all of the questions: My name, age, origin. I had to lie about where I had come from, of course. I said I was a weapons dealer that had traveled from the Outer Continent. Beatrix was like a mother. She was thirty-two, I was nine years younger at twenty-three, but she treated me as though I were a child while I was recovering. Afterwards, she became far too busy to spend time with me.

  
  


It didn't take me long at all to get into Queen Brahne's favor. Garnet saw me many times... but she never attempted to speak to me. I think she wanted to believe I was a ghost who would eventually fade away. She suspected me of evil from the first day she met me. We were never exactly introduced. ...I was happy in Alexandria... happier than I had been in such a long time... I felt as though I belonged. Almost as I felt in Treno later... but more on that some other time. But my mission took priority, and I began talking-casually, at first-about having the ability to bestow power... great power. She took the bait-hook, line, and sinker. Eventually, we began speaking of Black Mages. I told her that I could create Black Mages for her... and she was ecstatic to think of the power that was available to her. Even Beatrix was woven into my plan, though I don't know how or why. I think she didn't know what was going to happen. Neither... neither did I.=

  
  


He stopped on a whisper, sounding dreamy. What was he thinking...?

Author's Note: *still trying to pry off Twilight's Star* ...I added one more chapter to BbL... The Epilogue... now will you PLEASE get off of me? As for Light of the Stars... I can't find the disk. (I save all of my fics on floppy disks in case the computer crashes AGAIN.) But if and when I find it, I'll update! ...Neko... did I update soon enough?! No handcuffs... right? Right...?!

  
  


Review, and I'll... uh... I'll play Go Fish with Kuja! No, I really will!

  
  
  
  



	8. On the Rooftop

LeFox's favorite thought of the day: "A train station is where a train stops... A bus station is where a bus stops... A gas station is where a car stops... I have a work station... does that mean...?" -Cap't. Jack, Montgomery Standard (local newspaper)  
  
Author's Note: Teehee! I've been Veeeerrry busy lately. Writing, typing, schoolwork, homework, Email... and now... my own website! Phew. And the best part is this: I built my website while getting reviews from Twilight's Star. I kept hearing the little musical thing while I was working on the site, and my Inbox automatically popped up. I was getting irritated... and then I read the reviews... TS, I just wanna say that everything you said made me feel SO HAPPY! I blushed. After midnight, and I was blushing over an Email. That's how proud I was. Me happy to be TS's role model... *glomps TS*  
TS: ...Isn't this... kinda reversed...? *LeFox melts again* Hehe! *Pokes goo*  
  
Neko Kuroban... BbL was an epic? Hm... too bad the prequel sucked... ah, well. Anyhow. Now that I'm goo, I can't running-glomp you, so... pretend I can. *bubble* And as for your mother making you go out in the fog... ARGH! I hate heavy fog... especially because I live near a lake. Sometimes the fog gets so heavy that I come close to either walking into the lake, or the middle of the street, without even knowing it. Plus, I can't tell when the bus is coming. But now I'm rambling... Either way... uh... Can you please take off the handcuffs? Wait... they fell off when I became goo! *^^* *Neko smirks, putting the LeFox goo in a small jar* HEY! *TS pouts* At least poke some holes in the lid... I gotta breathe... *bubble*  
  
Angel of Death 87, Thank you for remaining loyal... as usual! I had 75 reviews on BbL! *is happy* I'm happy to say that fic turned out much better than I had ever expected, and I hope to do some more stuff of that sort sooner or later. Hey--can I add a link to your website on my links page? Lemme know! Beside the point. You said you'd protect me from handcuffs and torture rooms... well, there weren't any torture rooms... but the handcuff thing worked out quite nicely! And yeah, liking a fic is certainly a good reason to review.  
  
Shadow, CONTINUE YOUR FIIIIC! I need an anti-stress device.  
  
ALEXANDRIA (Hey, it CHANGED!)  
It was busy in Alexandria, and yet, it had a strange, almost abondoned sense of laziness. It felt so peculiar to be in a city again, surrounded by all of these people, after being alone with Kuja for so long. And Kuja was jumpy, looking around with obvious stress. He was nervous... Gods, had I been insensitive to bring him to Alexandria after all that had happened...? It hadn't been that long ago since the attack. "Kuja?" I said gently, touching his arm. He startled slightly, then looked at me. "Y-yes?" I smiled in a way I hoped was reassuring, then wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He tried so hard to be so strong while we were among others... but it was so useless... he was powerless against disapproval. People gave him strange looks, as though they remembered him from that night. Many probably did... after all, they had probably run past him. But no one stopped... not one person stopped to talk to him. He was a shadow... no. No! He wasn't a shadow anymore. He was real... so real. "...Let's... let's go somewhere... I just want to be alone again," I said. He smiled, and I'm certain I saw relief flicker in his violet eyes. That gorgeous angel.  
  
I led him to the steeple on the other side of town. Luckily, the moogles that usually hung around were gone. "Let's go up on the roof," I suggested, and let him climb the ladder first. The sun was setting... I knew it would be gorgeous. And I wanted to share it with him. A full moon... I'd wanted to see him in that light for so long. He sat on the rooftop, facing the sun. His eyes caught the light... and they seemed to glow. His hair looked golden, colored by the dying sun. He looked at me, his expression more amusing than I had ever seen it. "...You're staring again." he whispered. "You look like the finest gold... which is hiding the finest silver ever beheld by human eyes." I said slowly, letting my fool's heart choose my words. He didn't react at first, then he smiled. "I never knew you were a poet, Blase," he said softly. Was he laughing at me? "My heart spoke too boldly." I said, turning away so he wouldn't see my face turn red. He stood, walking over to me. "...Your heart speaks the truth." he replied, looking into my eyes.  
  
"Could... you tell more of your story...? It's quiet here... and we're in Alexandria, after all." I said softly, sitting down with him by my side. He smiled. "Not to mention a romantic atmoshere." he said enticingly. I shook my head... even though that was the first thing in my mind.  
  
=One thing led to another. Queen Brahne wanted the power I promised... and I knew how to supply it. I told her that the village of Dali was starving for money. Their farm wasn't bringing in enough money, the inn wasn't successful, the mayor was a man unable to make decisions... the village was dying. But that wasn't what the Queen saw. She saw the perfect place for a base of operations. Within a month, we had an underground storage area changed into a factory, complete with mist engines. That was my idea, as well as my sources. We couldn't very well go to Lindblum for mist engines... that would have aroused suspicion, and we couldn't afford to have people suspecting Alexandria of commiting crimes. Dali was well paid for their services to us, so they weren't going to turn on us. They made hundreds-thousands-or more Black Mages a day, and transported them to Alexandria in special barrels on a cargo ship. This went on for several months before... well, the play.  
  
A theater troop from Lindblum called Tantalus was to perform "I Want to be Your Canary" for Princess Garnet's sixteenth birthday... and we were to have our own little party. You see, that night, we had planned to draw the Eidolons from Garnet. But nothing went as we had planned. Unknown to us, Tantalus had their own duties... they were to kidnap Garnet and take her to Lindblum. However, even the thieves can sometimes guess incorrectly, and so was the case this time. The Princess had planned to sneak onboard the theater ship and go to Lindblum herself! One of the 'actors' onstage was... was...=  
  
"What? One of the actors was what?" I pressed, and he looked at me with sadness in his eyes. "You remember Zidane, right?" he asked. I nodded. "Good. Then I can continue."  
  
=One of the actors onstage was Zidane. I had been watching the show from a window... technically, I wasn't really interested in the performance. I usually enjoy plays, but with all that rested on such a thin line, I couldn't seem to enjoy it. It took me several moments to recognize him... it was the tail, I think, that finally woke me up. But enough of that... I remember that I cried when I realized who it was. I don't know if they were tears of joy or sorrow... I didn't want him to return to my life! I wanted him to stay in my past... just a name without a face. I wanted the uncertainty of his well-being. That... that was my wish. But he still stood on that stage, announcing his lines with practiced confidence. He didn't have a lead role. It would later occur to me that this had been planned, all along. As I have said, it was Tantalus's plan to abduct Garnet. When Zidane vanished backstage, I broke down. I fell to my knees, begging him to be nothing more than a dream. I begged!  
  
The play continued, but I didn't watch. I went down to the dungeon areas to see the Silver Dragon. She was the only thing I could think of to calm myself down. As always, she embraced me as a mother would welcome a child that has been lost for years... I find it amusing how she thinks of me as her child when I created her. Amuses... not upsets. I needed her in that moment. You can never imagine the emotional shock I went through... I didn't want Zidane back! I wanted him to stay safely in my past...  
  
**The Dragon roared with concern. Kuja stood in the dungeon's entrance, looking... shivery. His feathers were drooping slightly... she knew what this meant... Kuja was upset, facing some inner turmoil. She spread her wings, asking him to come closer. He stepped toward her slowly... so slowly. The silver-haired Genome wrapped his arms around her neck, crying into silky feathers. The Dragon was worried now... her Kuja was crying. He never wept before her... he always tried to be so strong and haughty. She nuzzled the feathers in his hair, reminding him of how precious he was. He smiled into the downy mass, sniffling slightly. It was harder to be weak than it was to be stronger than anyone else... everyone felt sorry for you. "Silver..." he said softly, moving away and petting her wings, "...You're a magnificent creature... one of these days, I'll find a way to show you that..." She snorted softly. She didn't need him to repay her for anything she had done... he had created her. She owed him her own life.**  
  
I made it out of the dungeon just a split second too soon. Zidane and a young girl wearing a white hood ran through the hallway, not taking any heed of Silver. Foolish, but she didn't react. Silver isn't a natural fighter. I'm digressing, though. The girl in the hood was, indeed, Princess Garnet in disguise. And Zidane was chasing her... From there, I must tell you what happened through what I've learned.  
  
Captain Steiner of the Knights of Pluto had been sent to find Garnet, and of course, he found the two of them on top of the tower... not the one he was on, obviously. Just when Zidane had believed she was cornered... she gave him the slip. She used one of the decorative lines to swing onto the theatre ship... and of course, Zidane followed. Steiner pursued them... or at least, tried to. He swung into one of the upper decks... I hear it was a humorous sight. Not that I know... I had gone to bed to ease myself, if that was possible. When I woke up... Garnet was gone. There had been a lot of chaos while I slept... but I had been too deep in my dreams to realize it. Queen Brahne was, to say this as gently as possible, enraged. She had to take out her anger by destroying something... a city.=  
  
I noticed that his story seemed dryer tonight. He didn't seem to be putting much into it... at all. Maybe it was the location. ...Or maybe not. Maybe it was something else...? "...Kuja?" I said softly, tipping his face until he was looking into my eyes. The sun had set long ago, and the moon had risen. Pure and full, as I had expected. His eyes were deeper in the white light. He looked like an angel. "Kuja, what's wrong?" I asked, my voice only barely over a whisper. He leaned forward, resting his face against my shoulder. "...what isn't." he said, letting the cryptic words hang in the air. "...Blase, I can't help but feel like you belong here... with me. Am I only a hopeless storyteller, vocalizing my life and thoughts to you for no cause? ...I feel... lonely... incomplete... I try so hard to be what everyone thinks is right for me... but that isn't who I am. I'm a helpless child... and all I want is someone to understand..." He was crying again... "Kuja..."  
  
He looked up, but didn't reply. I swallowed. I had come up here for this atmosphere... to tell him the truth. Now was the time. Now or never... do or die...  
  
"How do I say this... I love you..."  
  
Author's Note: hmhmhm... There ya go, Neko! Shounen-ai! But will Kuja return the feeling...? Or is Blase headed for heartbreak? Or will this never be decided....?  
  
Okay, that's it! Um, bye! *tries to sneak off*  
Kuja: Are you forgetting something? *takes out a box of cards*  
LeFox: No.  
Kuja: Yes.  
LeFox: Fine.  
  
(Three hours into the game)  
  
"Got any Aces?"  
"Go fish."  
"Not again!"  
"Just fish."  
"But_"  
"No buts. Just fishes."  
"Okay." (Draws a card.)  
"Got any... I believe it's Kings?"  
"????!!"  
"Now give me the card..."  
"Fine. Got any threes?"  
"Go fish."  
"Not again!"  
"Just fish."  
"But_"  
"No buts. Just fishes."  
"Okay." (Draws a card.)  
"Got any... I believe it's fives?"  
"????!!"  
"Now give me the card..."  
"Fine. ...Ya know, Kuja, after another three straight hours of this, we may actually master the game of Go Fish!"  
"Yes, I believe that may happen. At the rate we're playing, however... I don't think you have much of a chance of winning."  
"Whatever. Got any... Jacks?"  
"..."  
"What was that, Loser Boy?"  
"...Go Fish."  
"Dammit."  
  
*Neko K stares at LeFox goo in jar* ...Please poke some holes in the lid!!! *AoD87 and TS jab at the lid with forks* ...What did I do to deserve this...?  
TS: I wanna keep the LeFox Goo!  
Neko: But I'M the one who captured her.  
LeFox: DOES THAT EVEN MATTER!? 


	9. City of Rain

Time to get the thank you's outta the way...  
Yue-Chan, Nice to meet you! Yeah, Blase and Kuja WOULD make a nice little couple, wouldn't they? And about my name. People have said they can't find me on FP.com... and yeah, it'll drive someone batty. But if you can't find me through search, try the Directory. It's at the top where Search is, of course. Try looking for me that way. And while you're at it... look for Diablo Moon. She's also known as FoxFury around here, and she has a story (which, by the way, is MUCH better than her fanfictions) called Fight for Freedom. If you like my story, hers is based on Caitaria, too, with a whole new cast of characters. It's also set in a different time period.  
Twilight Star: Well, dernit. I really liked your fic... I'll miss it a lot. I genuinely will. But... you do your best to be your best, and I know you're busy... just don't get to busy to read this fic, okay? And I got your Email. You and I are alike in many ways, except I'm not the "Come near me and I'll hurt you" type. I'm the quiet, "let's just assume I'm a bitch and don't want to talk to you today. Or tomorrow. Or ever." kind of person. I don't stand out in a crowd, but people KNOW I'm there. I've got a little bit of split-personality disorder, though, I think...  
Angel of Death 87, for the record, Kuja's expression probably was priceless! After all, Blase jumped to "I love you" right after hearing about how Kuja planned to go about killing people. How did THAT work? Hm... I dunno... (shut up, dangerous mind...) ...maybe Kuja likes him, too? Maybe not... perhaps, we'll find out in this chapter! ...Oh, that was brilliant... Thanks for visiting my site! It's not much right now, but at least I actually GOT a site. *smirks at FoxFury* *Fury: I'm workin' on it!*  
Neko Kuroban... *pins badge onto the floppy hat from BbL chp. 15* *puts hat on... it's about five times too wide for her head* Thanks for the badge! ...However... I'm not entirely thrilled with the way you were treating me... you tried to put me in a bottle (MD Code Red is one of my favorites, though), then you started acting like I was some kind of weird play-dough! Honestly, do you not realize that I have FEELINGS!? And they were hurt quite badly, too. *picks up remains of jar* But I was happy to get out of the jar, though! ^^* haha, and NO HANDCUFFS for this Fox!  
Neko: =) *takes out handcuffs* Hehehe! ::click, click:: ... ::click, click::  
LeFox: ... Me and my big mouth...  
  
This chapter is MUCH longer than usual. In fact, it's probably the longest thing I've ever written! It's about Burmecia (well, duh). -.~ I love and hate this chapter...  
  
DESERT PALACE  
I sat on the bed quietly. Why had I opened my big mouth...? Damn, who knew what would happen now?! Kuja hadn't spoken to me the entire way home. He was taking a shower now... possibly to avoid speaking to me. I had never felt so foolish in my whole life. I could have continued to admire his grace and beauty without blabbing like that... now... I'd have to face the consequences of my action. I remembered the look on his face when I had told him. Shock, disbelief, confusion, and perhaps a flicker of amusement... and then... we had left. It had been my suggestion, of course, hoping to change the subject... but... obviously, I hadn't changed anything, because Kuja had maintained a silent look of apathy until we had gotten back. And even then, he still...  
  
The door opened to the bathroom, and Kuja stepped out. I looked up at him. He was wearing the bathrobe again... with that same arrogant but yearning smile... and his hair was combed the same way it had always been before bedtime. He looked as though nothing had ever changed... but... there was a shadow between us, making us seem further and further apart than ever before. He looked up... and smiled. "You're staring again." the familiar remark, mixed with his usual laughter and sarcastic voice, lifted the shadow slightly. "...You're speaking again." I retorted, meeting his eyes evenly. Was it too much to hope that he had forgiven me...? "Kuja, I just wanted to say... I'm sorry for what I said." I told him, speaking as carefully as I could. He shook his head conceitedly, shrugging. "I've chosen to think you meant that in a less personal way. Don't-" he looked at me sharply. "-give me a reason to think otherwise." (A/N: ...Somehow, I'm finding this to be a Don't Love Me/Blinded by Love kinda thing in reverse... Kuja is the one doing the anti-love campaign...) I nodded, unable to hide how relieved I was.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
NEXT DAY, DESERT PALACE  
I was awake earlier than usual. There was a hazy reddish glow in the room from the many candles Kuja let burn overnight. You know the moments just before you completely wake up, when your mind is drifting trough time and space, finding answers to the questions no one can find a solution too... when you're caught between dreams and reality? I was somewhere within that time... letting time stand still, balanced perfectly on that second. It was cozy in the bedroom, curled up under these downy blankets. It seemed strange that in the desert, being warm could feel... so good. As for Kuja? He was sprawled gracefully across his side of the bed. One long, pale arm was tucked under his head; the other draped over his pillow, the hand close to my face. His feathered hair tumbled over him, the mattress, and the pillow. His face was peaceful, smiling. His legs were loosely tucked up against him, and his tail lashed slightly. He was dreaming. I hoped it was a happy dream... it seemed to be. I couldn't help but think of how beautiful he looked...  
  
His dark eyelashes fluttered slightly, then his eyes opened. He gave me a drowsy smile, then sat up and stretched. "Good morning." I said softly, sitting up next to him. He looked at me with his arrogant smile. "How long did you spend staring at me?" his voice was oozing sarcasm... playful sarcasm. I pretended to think. "Hm... about... four hours now. Pity you would have to wake up." He shoved me teasingly, and leaned closer. He sniffed, and pulled back. "You... you stink. Take a bath!" he demanded, holding his nose. I laughed, and walked away, entering the bathroom. I hadn't entered the bathing area yet. You see, Kuja's elaborate bathroom was divided into two smaller areas. One area was the toilet and one sink, complete with sweet-smelling soap (which, I know, Kuja had used many times. His hands always smelled of this.), and two lavender hand towels. I cautiously entered the bathing area. Kuja spent a lot of time in here before I came along, obviously. The shower was lined with blue-violet tiles, as was the floor. There was a white vase, holding a pretty bouquet of white roses, sitting on the edge of a very large bathtub.  
  
Judging by the fact that the tub was already full of water, this was what I was supposed to use for my bath. I smiled to myself. Kuja had been up even earlier than I had. I stripped down to the skin, and slipped into the warm water. It was perfect. I sighed. I had forgotten how good hot water felt when you had about a week and a half of living to wash off. "Jani, Jani... if you could see me now..." I said out loud, realizing that this tub was fit for a king. "Jani. Who's Jani?" I looked over to the entrance of the bathroom. Kuja. "Jani... Janira Razhal. My fiancé. Or at least... she was. She was... I don't want to say it, but she was-" I began, but Kuja finished my thought. "...a slut." he was smirking. "Aren't you cheating on her, as well, falling in love with me?" I decided not to answer that. "...She slept with a new man every week, it seemed. I walked in on her three times... but I know there were more men in her life. I'm not that much of a fool." He sat on the edge of the tub, which was about a foot across on all sides. He leaned against the wall, stretching out languidly. It took me about ten more minutes to realize that I was completely nude in a room with Kuja. The realization made me blush redder than a Bomb.  
  
"Um... Did you need something?" I asked, wishing that, at the very least, he would say something. He looked at me and smiled. "Would it be unnerving if I continued while you were bathing?" he asked politely. The suggestion made my embarrassment leave immediately. "That... That would be wonderful," I replied, relaxing into the hot water..  
  
=Queen Brahne issued her orders the next day, but they weren't carried out until a week later. We were to attack the Realm of Eternal Rain, Burmecia. The queen hated these "rats", and wanted nothing more than to rid Gaia of them. In her eyes, they were subhuman, incapable of thinking past the moment they lived in. At the time... I suppose I was nothing short of naive, for I thought mostly the same way. It was after we entered the city that I understood... Their civilization was incredible. But I won't start so far ahead... first, I want to describe the rain.  
  
I had felt rain before... not on Terra, of course, but it had rained in Alexandria. I had only felt cold, wet drops then, mingling with a cool breeze that left me shivering. Burmecian rain is different. It's warm, like a million tears of joy falling endlessly to bless those who are below. The rain holds the laughter and tears of the Burmecians, and they live with it as the Genomes had lived with me: They understand its difference, they know they can't change it, but they know they cannot get past it. The wind in Burmecia is warm. They live at the foot of the mountains, but they feel no coldness. I was amazed. Queen Brahne, Beatrix, the Black Mages, and the Alexandrian Army didn't feel the rain as I did. They couldn't tell how unbelievable it felt... I don't know why... but they didn't feel it. They saw it as normal rain. They despised it as they despised the "Rats."  
  
The attack began the instant we entered the city. Magic and swords were everywhere, and the Burmecians put up a considerably good fight, when you think about the fact that they had been taken by surprise. The Black Mages did the most fighting. I watched the battle... I couldn't participate in the slaughter. I'll confide something to you... I can't kill someone in a one-on-one fight. There's no way to avoid looking into the dying person's eyes... and see the absolute hatred they have for their killer. I can do mass murder... but... not single. There was death and blood everywhere. Something in the Black Mages' spells made the bodies vanish instantly, but it wasn't enough to make me forget. I carry that memory with me today, intensely. I hung around in the palace with Queen Brahne and Beatrix. I... I was crying. My tears were hidden by the rain, thankfully. The battles gradually ceased, but we never found the king of Burmecia. That had been the queen's goal: find the king and kill him herself. She had sent Zorn and Thorn, the so-called "castle jesters," to find them.  
  
Unknown to us, Zidane and his motley crew made up of a Qu by the name of Quina, Vivi, and a Burmecian Dragon Knight called Freya, had made their way into Burmecia with hopes of saving the town. Needless to say, they didn't succeed. They searched the town, making their way to the palace. Along the way, they faced two Black Mages, as well as the monsters that had entered the town during the siege. Zidane and Freya entered the palace before the others... they heard the conversation between Queen Brahne, General Beatrix, and myself.  
  
** Kuja walked toward the elephant of a queen and her puppet-ish general. His stomach felt queasy after all that he had seen. The queen looked at him with shining eyes, expecting a report of some kind. He looked up at the sky, silently praising the rain. "I find this rain quite pleasant..." he said softly, before returning his gaze to Brahne. She was staring quizzically, so he rushed to make sense of his previous statement. "It feels as though the raindrops are blessing our victory..." Brahne nodded, and beamed proudly. The expression was horrible. "This is a great victory for us. Kuja, your Black Mages made this conquest so simple." 'Don't remind me of my role in this.' Kuja thought bitterly. Brahne continued. "My only concern now is finding the King of Burmecia. We must take care of him once and for all, and prevent these rats from ever rising up again." She turned to Beatrix. "Beatrix, what's taking so long?!" The harassed general looked at her queen, feeling for the first time in her life, pure anger. "I don't know, your majesty. I've ordered Zorn and Thorn to search the perimeter, but there's been no word so far. I will join them and lead the search." Kuja looked up sharply. The king was still in Burmecia... but Zorn and Thorn were too stupid to figure that out. There had been enough bloodshed.... Kuja thought fast. Very fast.  
"You're wasting your time." he said, as Beatrix began walking away. She looked at him, shock evident on her face. "What?" she asked. Kuja gave an elegant gesture, and explained. "Rats often look for new homes when they sense an earthquake. They probably moved to the sandy tree house by now... So you see, it's too late. The king has already turned tail and fled." Brahne's face twisted angrily. "Sandy tree house... Surely, you don't mean Cleyra?! It'll be quite difficult if they escaped to Cleyra." Beatrix looked at Kuja. She wasn't as foolish as her queen... but she played along. "Cleyra... unless we can get through that sandstorm, it will be impossible to attack them." Kuja looked at her gratefully, and mouthed the words, 'Thank You.' She nodded. It was, perhaps, the reason he later said, "I was wondering if you would gather your troops near Cleyra. I'm certain those filthy rats will retaliate in full force, and my Black Mages may not be enough." **  
  
Shortly after that, a Burmecian soldier ran up to us. I think he believed that Beatrix was a lowly soldier before he learned her name. He wasn't quite as willing to face her after he heard it. She, however, was more than inclined to fight. And then... they appeared. Zidane and Freya came first. I'm not entirely sure, but I think for a moment, Zidane recognized me. He and Freya looked at me, but his eyes carried more of an 'I know you from somewhere' kind of emotion. I doubt he knew exactly who I was... but he knew he had seen me before. It made me furious, but I don't... I don't really know why I got so angry when I knew he almost identified me.  
  
They took the Burmecian's place as Beatrix's opponent after Vivi and Quina appeared. The battle wasn't even close in the end. Zidane, I noticed, was wearing a Coral Ring, so none of Beatrix's Thunder attacks worked. He was the only one with that protection, however. I hate to rush through it, but it seems that you are soaking up the bath water... at any rate, Beatrix used Stock Break... and it was over. Again, I'm not sure why, but it hurt somewhere deep inside of me to see Zidane's body crumble like that. I thought he would die... and it hurt... It really hurt. I don't suppose they know this, but as I stood over them, I healed them. And I admired Zidane... he had grown to be stronger than I had thought he would be. I remembered... when he would crawl into bed beside me... and tell me that he loved me. He never felt that way about me again. And it hurt! Everything hurt that day.=  
  
His voice carried a tone of unbelievable sadness, flavored with the pain he had felt that day. Kuja had a way of doing that: he could pull you into what he was saying; make you feel like you were there beside him as it happened. I could almost taste the rain of Burmecia as it fell on his skin. He left, and I got out of the tub, dried off, and walked back into the bedroom. He was sitting on the bed, with a lost look on his face. I walked over to him, and pulled him into my arms in the way I always had, and his small body relaxed into my embrace, cuddling against me like a lost kitten who has finally found its home. Such a small, pretty thing. So strong... yet so incredibly weak and delicate. "...Kuja?" I said slowly, fingering one of his feathers gently. "Yes?" he replied, not moving even an inch. "...Tell me more..."  
  
A uthor's Note: ...Ugh. Can you tell I got lazy on the last parts of the chapter? I need a new fic! But I can't decide on a new pairing... should I do another shounen-ai fic? I can't decide... I'm at a complete loss... Should I just stop for a while? Take a vacation? Or maybe... I should write another Kuja/Raz fic... Or even a Kuja/Blade fic... or a Kuja/Alonia fic...? ..Maybe I'll write a prequel to On/By Your Side? Oh, the possibilities are endless... Whadda you guys think? I leave it up to my loyal... er... fans! I can call you all fans, right? Or should I just say "Reviewers"?  
Fury: ...Make up your stinkin' mind.  
  
Anyhow, FIC NEWS! I've decided to skip ahead of Cleyra, Lindblum, and Alexandria, and go straight to just before the Desert Palace bit. Why? Simply because I got bored while trying to decide on a storyline for these parts. *sigh* I'm getting lazy... and the homework's piling up... my grades aren't great... my life sucks... the only good news is... no, wait... there isn't any.  
...  
...  
...  
...  
  
WAIT! Yes, there IS good news! Well, for me. ^.~ I got Clay Aiken's new CD! Sure, you people might not think he's a good singer, but I'm the one who listens to almost everything. You don't like Clay Aiken? I suggest you keep your opinion to yourself. I can be dangerous. *Neko looks scared... she is still handcuffed* 


	10. Dragons and Romance

( We went camping at a campground that was celebrating Halloween early. I, of course, was wearing a thin costume while passing out candy, and I was freezing, but I refused to wear my coat because I look stupid in it. I regretted that. Our water went cold the first day, and never got warm again, so it was cold showers all weekend. I went through seven pairs of batteries for my CD headset. I had to wear a shirt to bed and nothing else, because I left my PJ's at home. Then, my mom left the air on high- power all night long, because she thought it was the heater. So, I froze. The weather was horrible, and I now have a bad cold. What a holiday.)  
  
But there's good news... it seems I've gained a cyber pen pal. Twilight's Star!  
  
Twilight's Star: I'd like to congratulate you on your fic on FictionPress! ^.~ You don't stop, do you! Either way, I've got you (and Mannie, a favorite author of mine), on Author Alert (finally), so I won't miss an update. And uh... THANK YOU for fixing your site! I like it, and I want to visit the other sites you've got links to, but I couldn't see what you had there. Hm... Kujie-kins and Blase would make a cute couple...*thinks* ...I'll work on making them a nice, cozy little couple!  
Angel of Death 87: Thanks for the advice! I didn't do anything but think about the storyline for a few days, then when I had decided what to do, I got busy. Doubletime! I had to think of a nice little background story, as I call the little Kuja-Blase interaction, to put in this chappy, though... and I decided, why shouldn't Blase meet Silver...? And you think Kuja and Blase would make a nice couple, too! I think that counts as popular demand! *thought bubble appears, saying "Now how to make them a couple...?"* I have work to do! And congratulations on your own new fanfic!  
Neko Kuroban: ...Kuja and Alonia... *evil(ish) smirk* *Kuja looks scared* I bet Alonia would find a use for that whip of hers! *Alonia looks... thoughtful* And as for the prequel? I was actually already in the process of writing something similar. It's really a pre-game fic with the relationship between Kuja and Garland from Blinded by Love. Would that be okay? And another thing... you called me psycho? Well, there's a pretty good reason why we call her PsycheFox, ya know! (That wasn't a Raijin thing.) And no harm done witht the bottle thing... it could have been worse... sorta.  
Shadow66: ...What were you doing with a wall that made you hurt your hand?! ...Oh, well. Either way, thanks for reviewing again. I'm glad you like Burmecia, because I like mice, rats, and other rodents and small animals! (That could be because I'm a fox and all, but you never know...) And I like rain, too... but I know that's because I'm pessimistic. Hm... in your fic, you said you were a mousy person... *Shadow looks like Kuja just did* ...But I won't eat a reviewer...  
  
(LeFox's Favorite Quote of the day: "Come on! Time's money, and I'm broke." -Ira (*^_~*) from Trick Pony)  
  
KORUA ISLAND  
One day became another, and the endless stream of hours spent with my own private storyteller ran together flawlessly. He granted my request, and I learned about how he had lured Garnet back to Alexandria and stole her Eidolons. I learned about how he had used those Eidolons to destroy Cleyra, and how the queen had used them to attack Lindblum. I also realized how she hadn't told Kuja about this until several days after, and how angry he had been. "It was a useless show of force." he sighed, ending yet another tale. He looked at me. "Blase, she killed people for absolutely no reason. Regent Cid was weak at the time... she could have merely threatened him. But she was determined to show how powerful she was." I nodded and sighed slowly. Life with Kuja was perfect. Lazy days passed by when I spent them with Kuja.  
  
Today, we were on an island just off shore of the Kiera Desert. Possible through Kuja's teleportation, of course. He said there was someone he wanted me to meet... someone special. "So... who is this 'someone,' anyway?" I asked, after a particularly long pause. He looked at me, smiling broadly. His eyes were shining brilliantly, and the wind teased his hair roughly. He was gorgeous as ever. "...Silver." I looked at him, waiting for him to laugh and say he was joking. "The Silver Dragon? That Silver?" I asked, my voice shaking. "Well, of course. I don't know anyone else named Silver," he said primly, looking at the sky as a shadow passed over us. A roar filled the air, and I felt my stomach churn with sudden fear. I didn't care how gentle Kuja said she was; I was terrified out of my wits. The shadow continued to descend, and Kuja reached a hand up as she reached our level.  
  
The dragon nuzzled Kuja's slender hand, and sniffed his hair adoringly. I stared at the enormous creature. She really was beautiful, with silvery feathers covering her wings, and a silver down on her body. Her eyes were mostly hidden, deep-set in her head. However, if you looked hard enough, you could see her vivid eyes: the same exact color of Kuja's, and with the same mixture of happiness and sorrow. It was no wonder they were such close companions.  
  
"Come on, Blase! She likes you..." Kuja said, pouting slightly. I looked at the dragon, who spread her wings majestically. She didn't look very dangerous, really... I walked toward her slowly, and stared into her sad eyes. But under the torrent of mournfulness, there was a faint light, desperate to force its way to the surface. Joy. It was all she had of joy: this tiny luminosity that shone from within her. It was the happiness of being with Kuja that made her this happy... it was obvious that she loved him deeply. And he trusted her with his life; this was equally unmistakable. "...She won't attack, Blase..." he said softly, and Silver lifted her face until it was level with mine. "N-nice to meet you, Silver..." I stuttered, brushing her neck with my trembling hand. She made a sound not unlike a cat's purr, then nuzzled my shoulder as she had done to Kuja.  
  
"I told you she liked you!" Kuja laughed, petting her huge wings serenely. She turned her head around to face him, and used her wings to pull him against her in a fond embrace. He hugged her around the neck, then let go. "She's as gentle as a lamb... but loyal as they come if I need protection." When would he have ever needed protection...? "Kuja..." I said, wishing I could know more. He looked at me slyly. "...You want me to continue, don't you." it wasn't really a question, more like a guess. Without waiting for my answer, he began.  
  
=I couldn't stand knowing that I had aided her in what she had done. The first thing I told her after I found out was how disgusted I was... and that I was leaving. She honestly believed I was merely joking, and she laughed at me. I remember that I looked around the room we were standing in-Lindblum's Royal Chamber-and realized how alone I was. General Beatrix had turned on us, and was in hiding somewhere in Alexandria along with Freya and Captain Steiner. All I had left was this deleterious queen, and she was no companion. She wanted all of the power, glory, and victory for herself... all I wanted was out of there. She laughed! She called me a "Tool of her Success." I... I was insulted to think that all of the things I had done for her were thought of as nothing more than 'successes.' Worse yet, she claimed me as a tool, something that is used to get something else... then disposed of.  
  
The thoughts and anger that passed through me weren't much different from those I had experienced while under Garland's command. I'm not sure of exactly what it is that I yelled at her, but I'm sure it wasn't quite as pleasant as my speeches had been before. I remember feeling rage. Pure rage. I knew damn well that I was better than that. I turned around and walked away, but I heard her yelling after me that she would get revenge for the things I had said. But I didn't care. I was stronger, and I had a backup plan... the Iifa Tree was being liberated at that moment. Before you ask, yes, it was Zidane. Zidane again... believe me, I was beginning to hate that boy, and the feeling was very mutual. Would you believe that shortly after leaving Brahne, she ordered two bounty hunters to search for Zidane and Garnet? Well, truth be told, one of them was a bandit. Both of them were on the mission to find the Pendant, which I believe I've told you about. I think she may even have given Lani-the female bounty hunter- orders to kill me, as well, should she have found me. But I digress... I flew on Silver's back to the Iifa Tree, where Mist was already fading away. I was still fuming, but it helped to relax.  
  
**Kuja landed on the branches of the Iifa Tree, looking out over the desolate waistland surrounding it. Vines crossed each other for miles, biting deep into the core of the planet. He sighed, wishing he wasn't so sensitive to disapproval or insults. "It's your fault, Garland... you made me weak..." he said, glad he could always count on the old man to have reason to have blame placed upon him. He wished with a thin smile that he had his tail at that moment. It would have helped to release his feelings with the angry swish of a tail. But... for some reason, words flowed from him, sounding like poetry but utterly unbalanced. They were the emotions he was feeling, warped until they formed words. But the voice he heard didn't sound like his own... it sounded cold, evil. 'Is that all I've become?' he thought quietly, 'Just a soulless body who only knows hatred and anger...?' The Silver Dragon roared, redirecting his attention. "So, they've made it this far, have they? I'll warm up on them until the Elephant Lady arrives." In the back of his mind, he answered his own question. 'No... I'm not... I have a soul... that's.... that's what makes me special. I'm different because I feel so many emotions at the same time. After all, isn't that what I'm supposed to be? Different?'**  
  
Zidane and his companions reached me without much difficulty, and confronted me about all that had happened. At that time, the other bandit, a man by the name of Amarant Coral, and a summoner child, a young girl named Eiko Carol, were in their little group. They blamed me for everything. Everything! And all I was to Brahne was a tool of success. It gave me some satisfaction to know that at least they thought I was something other than a means to reach an end... They thought I was the guilty one. And of course, I placed all of the accusations aside, and tried to blame Brahne. I was playing the villain, after all. Garnet was enraged, but she tried to speak gently. Zidane, on the other hand, was... very blunt. He always had been. - "Kuja, you're... you're crying..." - Oh... sorry. I'm emotional. Forgive me. - "There's nothing wrong with that," - ...Thank you. Anyhow, Zidane and the others were witnesses to Brahne's arrival. I think the real shock to Garnet was how many battleships she had brought with her, just to take on one man.  
  
Things happened fast. I sent a Mistodon-creature of the mist-to fight them, while I flew away on Silver's back. Say what you will, it wasn't cowardice. I had a fight to attend to. Zidane and his friends fought my creations valiantly, I'll admit that, and they succeeded in overthrowing them. However, Garnet wasn't as heartless as her mother... she still loved her after all of her crimes. I didn't understand how she could still love the one who had caused her so much pain. How could I... I had never been exposed to any sort of parental love. Garland wasn't exactly a father, as you well know. The way he treated me was horrible in every fashion of the word... he was another one who only cared about me because he could use me. So of course I was confused. While I was facing Brahne and her army with their canons, I kept thinking about how much I had always wanted and never received. Garland's approval would have been enough, had it been backed by some whisper of emotion. Garland... he never cared... as long as I was still able to fight, he could still use me.  
  
I knew what Brahne was going to do long before she even said a word. She had a garnet with her, the jewel used to summon Bahamut... King of Dragons. Silver landed on the shoreline, and I could feel how tense she was. Dragons, you know, hate dragons of a different breed... and an Eidolon certainly isn't a Silver Dragon. I stood only a few paces away from her, ready to run if necessary. Necessary meaning, of course, if Brahne were to summon Bahamut. Which she did... I was in complete awe of the creature. He had a wingspan of... at least a hundred feet. He was almost five times Silver's size! She, by the way, was roaring furiously at the dragon before her. It was a combination of territorial instinct... and the desire to protect me. She knew Bahamut was hostile. Then... he prepared to attack. I admit it, at the time, I was scared. Terrified out of my wits, but I tried to stay cool. When the beast actually attacked, I did panic.  
  
I reached out blindly for Silver. My eyes were full of ash, and my lungs had smoke in them. All I could see was fire. I was only in that position for several moments, but it felt like forever before my hand found Silver's feathers. She had waited for me, even though she was putting herself in danger. She gave me enough time to climb on top of her, then she took off. I managed to escape with a few minor burns and a scratch on my forehead. I was lucky. It wasn't until later that I discovered that Silver had been injured, as well... but as you can see, she's fine now. I wanted Bahamut. And I had the power to get him.  
  
I called forth the Invincible, and set it upon Bahamut. The supersonic waves effected everyone... including Silver. I smiled for a few minutes, but then I had to attend to her before we dropped out of the sky. Also, I didn't want to watch what was about to happen. Bahamut had become confused, and he turned on the one who summoned him. Such is the power of the Invincible. Queen Brahne was killed, and I was to blame... I still am.=  
  
Silver had sat by his side the entire time, roaring softly as though she were correcting his story. When he had finished, he reached his hand out slowly and stroked her. "...You should go and hunt, Silver... it's getting late." he said gently. She sniffed the air indignantly, but nuzzled his neck and flew away. I watched her fade into the distance. "She's beautiful." I said, looking back to Kuja. His eyes met mine, and he smiled. "...I know." he said, and the pride wasn't hidden in the least. A comfortable silence fell between us, as the sun was swallowed up by the horizon, leaving us in the darkness together. The stars came out above us, perfect lights in the velvet of nighttime. A thin sliver of a crescent moon was all we had to see each other by. A breeze, flavored with the smell of the desert, was all around us, making the water sing. I heard Kuja sigh happily. There was something I wanted to say... but I didn't dare to break the spell the night had cast on us.  
  
I sat beside Kuja, and looked out over the ocean. If heaven could exist on Gaia, it had arrived... and it was for us, all for us. I looked back to Kuja, and at the same instant, he and I seemed to have the same idea. I don't remember which of us moved for the other first, but before I knew it, I was in the most impossible position I could have imagined.  
  
...I was about to kiss Kuja.  
  
Author's Note: *readers throw random sharp objects at LeFox* *she holds up FoxFury for protection* Hey, I like my cliffhangers! But I do plan to update soon! Really! In fact... I'm pretty sure I know what's coming up! So I'm gonna go work... if Neko puts down that Exploda... and Angel of Death 87 drops the Rune Claws... and Twilight's Star gets rid of whatever that thing is she's got behind her back. *TS drops Fratley's staff-thing* ...That's better. Shadow... what is that thing? *Shadow66 has nuclear missile from his fic*  
Shadow66: =) ...Payback!  
LeFox: ...OH NO. 


	11. Come Home

Author's Health Note: I got a flu shot, and I have needle-phobia. (Suspected leukemia, eleven years old, fourteen blood tests, twelve hours, one day. You'd be scared too. Oh. And I don't have leukemia.) My arm hurts like crazy because my muscles were tensed up. So, I'm kinda crampy, and any spelling mistakes are due to a numb left arm. My doctor said I should try to relax during shots, but... well... that's not possible. I don't scream and cry like a two-year-old, but I can manage a tear or two. I'm a big baby. That's the one thing I'm scared of... shots. Needles themselves don't ever bother me.  
  
Author's Note...Okay! Hello, Misunderstood! I'm glad you like this fic... it's one of my better ones! I hope you stick around... for the grand finale! ^.^ Ya know, I thought about naming myself Misunderstood... but decided not to, because people might not understand. ...That made absolutely no sense at all... And now, you see into the sometimes difficult mind of LeFox...  
Angel of Death 87, I STILL say thanks for the advice. You've given me a lot of advice, ya know... and all of it helped! *begins singing random happy song* *AoD87 flinches violently* Oops... I guess that wasn't much of a thank you... but consider yourself thanked! *hugs* And Silver is a sweetie! *hugs Silver*  
(Twilight's Star should be right here... hm...)  
Neko Kuroban... *looks hurt* ...You've been getting mean lately, you know... before, you tried to stick me in a soda bottle, and when that didn't work, you pulled me into pieces, then you called me a psycho, and now, you just started getting really... mean! You didn't even have one nice thing to say to me. Whatever happened to my nice Neko? I refuse to continue speaking to you. Hmph.  
  
This chapter focuses on Jani! I realize that, up til now, she's probably been seen as "heartless bitch who betrays Blase and sends him running off to Kuja." And technically, that's how Blase has thought of her. Well... that's not how I want her to be. I see her as... well, you'll see! I also felt like torturing Neko further.  
  
ESTO GAZA  
  
**Blase opened the door, and looked around. He didn't see anything he should have. He didn't smell anything burning, for one thing. And Jani was nowhere in sight. He looked around... maybe she wasn't feeling well? She wasn't in the restroom or the living room... that only left the bedroom. Blase closed his eyes. No. She had promised... no more affairs. She... she was just lying down. Jani had only gotten a headache and had decided to lie down. That was it. Jani... she wouldn't lie again. She was twenty-seven. The affairs were over. She was more mature now. Blase looked at the bedroom door, and his heart sank. It was closed. If she'd had enough strength to close the door... she wouldn't have lied down. She would have sat on the couch and waited. That was his Jani... strong and stubborn when her health was concerned. "Jani... how could you lie to me..." he whispered, looking at the door coldly.  
  
Numbly, he reached and grabbed the handle. He heard gasps from inside... one of them was male. Rage took over, and he threw the door open. Sure enough, there she was. Her shining black hair fell over her shoulders, and her green-flecked brown eyes looked at him in fear. And next to her was Blase's best friend. He looked at them both without emotion. "Blase, you know I love you...please, give me one more chance." Jani said, wrapping the sheet around herself and running toward him. The scent of wine was heavy on her breath. She was drunk. "No. No more chances, Janira. No more chances, no more lies. It's over." Blase said, walking away. "Blase... please... come back." **  
  
"Blase, please... come back..." The dark-haired woman sobbed into her sheets. She looked to the photo on her nightstand: a picture of a tall man kissing her on the cheek. She was laughing... she hadn't laughed for a whole month and a half. And it felt longer than that. She had been a fool to betray him! She had known what would happen to him. To them. They would have been married by now... happy... they had been happy for a month, living together. Blase had been the perfect lover. He was loyal, trusting, loving, reliable, sympathetic... everything a man should be. She had given in to what she didn't even want... the temptation of hurting Blase. She had exactly what she wanted... a man who loved her, worshiped her. Blase was everything... without him, Janira Razhal was... nothing. She hugged the photo of him against her heart, praying... that somewhere... somewhere, he was still there.  
  
He had been perfect in every possible way, there was nothing about him that she would have changed. She didn't even know why she had cheated on him. Every time they had made love, it had been the answer to her every desire. When they kissed, she could have lived on that alone. When he touched her, it was as if he absorbed all of her worries. Those dark, mysterious, magical eyes could see into her soul. But they had been blind that day. He hadn't wanted to see what she really felt. She broke into tears again. She couldn't blame him for a thing. She was the one who had called his friend, lying and saying Blase would be home late. She had drunk far too much wine... and she had given in completely. Gods, she hadn't even enjoyed it! She had been silently wishing for the man to leave before Blase came home... before he caught her... before it hurt her chances to truly have his trust. Blase had come in... she could still recall the unemotional look on his face. Blase had never looked so... apathetic. She had earned the pain he was putting her through. She had been the traitor... she was paying the ultimate price. She had lost her knight in shining armor.  
  
Some of her lovers had come around after he left, telling her to run away with them, or elope. She had refused every one of them. Among these were several of Blase's friends. They were just as traitorous as she was. Janira had lost interest in everything. She no longer attended the religious ceremonies or talked with friends. She didn't do her hair in the braid all of the women wanted to have. She didn't even leave the house. Most people had started calling her a hermit, which she had become. Jani Razhal had once been the envy of all women, and he was that of all men when she walked with her impressively built and handsome Blase. And she had thrown it all away for... for... for what?! What had she gained?! She had lost the greatest part of herself, but had received nothing but pain. She went to bed feeling empty without his warm, golden body to curl up against. Inside, she was cold without his heart beating against hers... her soul was dark without his voice inside her mind.  
  
"Blase... you didn't deserve it... and I... I never deserved you..." she whispered, touching his face in the photograph. It had been her fault. No one else's... it had all been her own fault... She looked to her own smiling face. She was happy with him, dammit! She was happier with Blase than with any other man. No other man could make her want to be absolutely perfect for him... no other man could make her heart sing with pleasure... no other man could make her cry with tears of pure joy while he proposed... no other man could have ever caused her heart to speed up when he asked that question.  
  
And no other man could have made her say "yes"...  
  
"Blase... we're meant to be together... I know you still love me..."  
  
He had never liked her prissy nature, and now she couldn't understand why it had ever mattered. It didn't matter anymore... she could have worn overalls and a torn shirt, shaved her head, never worn an ounce of make-up, and rolled in the dirt... if it only made him happy... She would have done anything short of murder to get him back. "But... what if he's already fallen in love again?" she asked herself in the picture. Her smiling, framed face didn't say a word.  
  
"Come back home, Blase..."  
  
Author's Note: Short, yes. But I HAD to get her in here somehow! She's not really a bad character, and she does make an appearance later on. Please review! I've got the next chapter pretty much done, and... there's a... KISS!  
  
(And Neko, I didn't really write this chapter to bug you. I already had it done. ^.~* )  
  
"I'm on the edge. Don't push me." ~"Two and a Half Men" 


	12. Victory for Romance

"I've never understood why we call people 'suckers', but not 'lollipops'. Why's that?" ~Devon O'Fallon, a 7th Grade snob with a very... interesting... personality  
  
Angel of Death 87: ...That was a longer review than usual! ^.~* Jani isn't exactly the worst character in the universe... at least she's honest and you can tell what she's thinking. Unlike Raz, who changed his mind every other chapter. But... naw, I don't think Kuja's the "Oh, he's YOUR boyfriend? Okay. I'll leave him alone now." type. If anything, he's probably the "I like him. If I can take him from you, he's mine." type. And it's obvious who Blase likes more! However... I have another idea... hehe! Oh, wait. One more thing to get straight. The saying was "anything SHORT of murder." She wouldn't actually kill anyone!! I'm not... very great at stuff like Romantic Fight to the Deaths. And Kuja VS Jani?? Oookay... "Normal, everyday woman fights extremely powerful mage"? *laughs*  
Neko Kuroban: ...I love The Ring! (Fury: Could that be because you and Rachel's son have the same freakish personality? LeFox: Perhaps...) The only part I didn't like was when the horse got chewed up by the boat... poor horsey... *pauses to remind herself that it's a fic, not a movie* ...Okay. Off of the subject of dead girls in wells making strange images to show people and making them die in a week after driving them completely insane with lots of weird events. Alrightie. ... ... ...Hey, wouldn't you look the same if you were possessed by the One Ring? I mean- *Other readers glare* ...Oh, alright! I'm glad you like Jani. And apology accepted because of our shared taste in movies!  
Twilight's Star: ...Hey, don't get yourself in trouble sneaking on, 'kay? I don't wanna feel guilty... but I'm glad you like the fic enough to risk getting caught! I have to sneak on whenever I'm on at midnight. Which, you guessed it, is pretty darn often... think of all the times I've sent you mail at 11:00 or later! O.O Maybe that's why I always have dark circles under my eyes...? As for your review... I don't like it when friends grovel...  
Shadow66: (ORANGE) ...I'm not sure exactly what guys look for in girls, but I'll take your word for it. You say geezee, I say "Okay!". And is Blase gonna die? Oh, I love being the author... I get to torture people slowly... Hey, if you think that's bad, you should meet me in reality... it's painful. And I'm not sure what you're gonna think of this chapter. It's got a LOT of shounen-ai and a brief (extremely brief) hint towards yaoi. Guys seem to find this offensive... if you do... don't say I didn't warn you. I'm a shounen-ai author by nature. It runs in my blood. I think... and if you just wanna read Kuja's little story-section, you feel free to do that. (ORANGE)  
  
~)~* Where the walls fade, time is your only enemy.  
  
KORUA DESERT ...He turned away just a moment too soon.  
  
My lips touched his cheek softly, and I heard him sigh. "...did I just disgust you?" I asked him, pulling back. "...Disgust...? No. I just... I don't think it would please you." he replied, his blush only just visible in the pale moonlight. "You don't think it would please... are you afraid of displeasing me... or yourself?" I asked delicately, not moving at all. "...You." he finally answered, then looked away. "You wouldn't be displeasing me!" I exclaimed, laughing faintly. He turned back to face me. "Then... then..." he stuttered, moving closer. I felt my heart begin to race as I looked into the same eyes I had seen into the day I had first met Kuja. They were so desperate-looking, and his breath danced lightly on my own face. We were that close. His tail wrapped around my waist halfway, tickling me. "Then... what?" I asked, playing along with him. He laughed, and his voice was somewhat more seductive than usual.  
  
"Then I won't be afraid..." he purred, and pressed his lips to mine. My heart was busy running around in crazy, insane little circles screaming with joy. 'Displeasing me'. What a laugh! If anything, he had done the exact opposite. I can't really explain it... it tasted like a mix of heaven and sugar, swirled into a feverish fusion of a torrid battlefield and an eruption of magic. He was sweet to me-running his hands along my face gently. It was slow, and-if a kiss could be described this way- graceful. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced with Janira, and unlike anything I had ever expected Kuja to be. Every time I had kissed Jani, something had been wrong. It had always been rushed, careless. None of our kisses ever lasted beyond ten seconds, I suppose. I completely forgot, in that swirling paradise, that we were on Gaia. I clutched him against me, letting the world rotate around us. I honestly didn't care at that moment what the laws of nature said-I wanted him, and I needed to be with him forever. He made me feel like a child.  
  
When we finally drew apart, I was panting slightly, but he was relaxed. "You're an experienced kisser..." I breathed, and he shook his head. "No... if you promise not to laugh... it was my first kiss." he confessed. He lied onto his back, staring up at the sky. The stars were reflected in his eyes. "...Are you joking?" I whispered, touching his face. "I'm not joking at all." he said softly, turning his face to mine. "What about you?" I considered his question. "...Kuja, I was engaged. I had a fiancé. I don't count how many times I've kissed..." He laughed softly. "What? You think it's funny?" I asked, snapping at him. His laughter died instantly, and he looked away. "...I think... we should go back inside. It's getting late." he said, standing. Suddenly, the night lost its appeal. I looked into Kuja's eyes, but they were no longer open to me.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kuja didn't speak to me for several days. Instead, he basically avoided me completely. I didn't blame him... after all... he hadn't done anything wrong. I had never realized how touchy I had become about Janira. It was late... Kuja was asleep, but I wasn't even lying down. Instead, I studied the painting of Alexandria. I had forgotten about these paintings in the course of listening to Kuja's tales. They were detailed... the paintings, I mean. I glanced back at the painting's signature. 'K'... Kuja? "Did you paint these...?" I whispered to his sleeping form. I walked over to him, feeling ashamed of myself. Why had I even defended that... that bitch? Kuja was precious... I brushed some hair from his face. He turned his face into my caress, still asleep. He moaned softly when I moved my hand away. I smiled, slipping into the bed next to him. He opened his eyes sleepily. "...Blase...?" he said soporifically. "Go back to sleep... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." I told him, pulling him against me. He sighed. "...I didn't mean to be so rude the other day. I should be the one to apologize." he said softly.  
  
"Don't apologize for what you didn't do. I can't believe I was so impolite to you... What has Jani ever done to deserve it..." I replied, running a hand through his hair. Several long moments passed, comfortable moments full of thoughts and the sound of soft breathing, before Kuja finally spoke. "You're not awake... are you?" he asked. I nodded, pulling him closer. "...Pretend you aren't." I laughed at his gentle command, closing my eyes. To my surprise, he began whispering softly. I couldn't make out the words, but it sounded something like "don't leave me. I need you more than you know.".  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I would have allowed Kuja to skip over the sensitive areas of his story, such as how he had been involved in Alexandria's destruction, and how he had convinced the Black Mages to go along with his schemes. However, he wouldn't hear of it. I could tell we were getting close to the end of the story by how he spoke slower and tried to drag into detail. He didn't want it to end... he was scared. 'Don't leave me. I need you more than you know.' His words lingered in my ears. I still had my mind set on suicide. After Kuja was finished... what did I have left? Kuja wouldn't keep me. Why should he? And after that, Jani was my last place to go. I sure as hell wasn't going to return to her side after all that she had done. Kuja planned to tell me about how he had captured Zidane and his friends, and sent them on a deadly quest, while keeping several of them to torture slowly.  
  
=I waited for several days. Time passes so slowly on Gaia... did you know that? Zidane and his friends, however, fell into my little trap perfectly. There's a secret entrance to the Desert Palace. Did you see the quicksand pits that surround it? Well... one of them can be used to enter the palace. Of course, Zidane didn't know that... he walked right into the pits. You know... when you first came here... I hoped you would just fall in. -"Why...?"- Haha. I would have had to force you to listen to me. I'm glad you decided to listen without... persuasion. This is all beside the point. Zidane had made a brief stop at the Black Mage Village not long age, where Vivi learned of the Mages' life limit. Mass production has its defects... one defect is copied into the next creation... and so on. Needless to say, Vivi had been devastated. And... it was the main reason why he hated me so strongly. Otherwise, he may have felt like Quina or Amarant must have: along for the ride, but with no true purpose or reason. But his reason for coming with Zidane on this particular trip was that he had heard that the Village had been all but deserted... and that they had come with me. And when they arrived later at the Kiera Desert... they fell into the sand pit.  
  
**Kuja looked at Zidane's face. Slightly contorted with surprise, but otherwise peaceful... he was unconscious. Kuja exhaled a shuddering breath. It was the first time he had seen his brother's face this closely. He didn't look like Kuja had expected... he looked... stronger. He was tall, probably only just shorter than his older brother was. Blond hair was pulled back from his face with a leather cord, but some of it tickled his chin. He had his arm wrapped around his waist, presumably to keep his dagger from getting lost during the fall. His tail flicked irritably. Kuja kneeled hesitantly to look closer. Zidane had grown into a fine young man... the silver Genome kissed his forehead gently. "Sleep well... my little Zidane..." he whispered. His eyes flicked anxiously to Regent Cid, who was laying nearby. He was also unconscious. Kuja heaved a sigh of relief, and looked back to Zidane. "Wouldn't do to have my reputation as the villain spoiled, now would it, brother?" **  
  
They woke up about two hours later, and I sent Zidane a message telepathically. I had to tease him a bit... I opened the floor below him, revealing it's little secret. It was above a pool of lava! Don't look at me so strangely. I would never have actually dropped him into the lava... it was only a game... a show. I made a few little threats to go along with it. And all while maintaining a cool attitude. He was allowed to exit his cell, and Regent Cid took his own opportunity to escape. Zidane followed my instructions to come to the Sanctum of the palace... he expected to fight me, I suppose. Obviously, he didn't... I believe he was surprised to find that I was simply sending him on a quest. He didn't realize that I wasn't the type to fight without cause. I sent him to Oeilvert to get me the Gulug Stone. Keep silent until I'm finished, Blase. I know you recognize the name.  
  
I gave him the choice of four teammates, and he selected those that he wanted to take to Oeilvert with him. He chose Amarant, Eiko, and Steiner. ...I was a fool to send him there. Oeilvert is an ancient Terran preservation site. It contains historical information... and that can only mean that Zidane would be able to read the ancient writings that the Terrans had placed there millions of years ago. Sooner or later, he would discover his past. I had Zorn and Thorn take them to a location not far (A/N: Hahaha... not far my ass...) from Oeilvert. From there, he had to manage it alone... with his friends, of course. I never warned him of the danger that waited for them in the dark... I warned him about the anti- magic barrier, but I left out the Ark.  
  
The Ark was the Invincible's earlier form. There were some flaws... so the Terrans hid it. They weren't going to waste it, however... they used it to protect Oeilvert's secrets, whatever they might be. And the item they were protecting at the time just happened to be the Gulug Stone. The Gulug Stone could be used, as you know, to open the path to Mount Gulug. Why was that mountain so important, you might ask? Well, let me explain. The Terrans used magic to create Magic Circles. There is one hidden below Alexandria Castle, and the Eidolon Wall is made on top of one. (A/N: I don't know this for a fact, I just made it up.) Many of these Magic Circles were destroyed or used for other purposes... purposes that removed the magic from them. It is unknown as to what the Terrans originally used these Circles for... but they served as a location to draw Eidolons from Summoners painlessly. One of these circles is below Mount Gulug. I had plans for this Magic Circle... but they were altered later. You'll understand why when I come to that.  
  
Zidane could read the writings. They were truly nothing very interesting, nothing more than the history of Terra, leading up to its demise. They never mentioned Garland. Garland who tried to rush things... who tried to defy fate. No, to them, Garland was a hero. He was left out because he hadn't had a role in their planet's death... so they thought. The 'catalyst', as they referred to it, was caused by Garland. But the Terrans were blind. They were fools... no, they were brainwashed. Indoctrinated by a tyrant with beliefs... beliefs they thought would keep them alive. And Zidane learned of their plight, and how they had all died. He learned about their technology, and the Great Decline. He saw the blue light, and I wouldn't be surprised if he thought for just a second that maybe this place held some connection to his birthplace. I think the Elevator was a shock, and how his body seemed to be the key to... everything in Oeilvert.  
  
When he and his friends had to face the Ark... back at the Palace, I was panicking. I was afraid-not for my enemy Zidane, but for my little brother Zidane. I was afraid for his sake. I kept telling myself how horrible I was... how cold hearted it had been for me to send him off to his death without warning. The Ark was waiting for him in the darkness. He wasn't prepared. He wasn't armed well enough. His abilities weren't strong enough. I worried about every little aspect of the battle. What if his companions fainted and left him to fight alone? What if he lost his weapon during the fight? What if he ran out of medicine? I thought of every possible "What-if" you can imagine. Zidane, however, came out of the battle just fine, and not one of his friends had fainted. He collected the Gulug Stone, and made his way out of Oeilvert just fine. However, as I have mentioned, I was having a little fun with his friends... but we'll save that for another day... =  
  
He smiled slyly, dropping back to the soft mattress. His silver hair caught the firelight, making it sparkle with orange and red light. I relaxed into my own spot on the bed, and smiled at him. "...You look marvelous." I commented, looking at the delicate natural balance he carried wherever he went. He was perfection with an imperfect past. "I am marvelous." he said snobbishly, moving closer. My heart raced as he slipped a hand up the back of my shirt to tickle my neck.  
  
This was gonna be one hell of a night...  
  
Author's Note: Uh, this isn't going to be a yaoi fic. *Kuja groans* ...But... yeah, we can assume they have sex sometime during the night... *Kuja cheers and tackles Blase* O.o Oookaaay... We can tell he's love- starved... anyway. I have some sorta cool news. I'm writing two new fics! One is called "Eyes of Glass", which is a FictionPress one. For anyone who hasn't already been reading my FP fics, my name is Azrael's Servant, but that doesn't seem to show up on the search... so try the directory, or search for "Light of the Stars" under title. This is the title of a fic I'm currently putting on hiatus due to lack of ideas, which I WILL CONTINUE IN THE FUTURE. When you read "Eyes of Glass", you'll notice who it's about... hehe... TS already knows... *TS looks smug-ish* And the other one is a fanfic! For Tenchi in Tokyo (under Tenchi Muyo, obviously). It's a Ryoko/Hotsuma fic, flavored with a touch of *gag* Ryoko/Tenchi. *sets fire to the pairing* It's only gonna be a one-chapter thing, though... how embarrassing...  
  
*thinks* *sets fire to InuYasha/Kagome pairing, too* 


	13. One More Story

Author's Note: ...I don't have much to say... thank you Twilight's Star, Misunderstood, Angel of Death 87, Neko Kuroban, and ShiAne for the reviews.  
  
Oh. And Shadow66 is a chibi! *tackles Chibi-Shadow* WAI!!!  
  
Shadow: O___O; I'm not a chibi anymore!!!!  
  
DESERT PALACE  
I opened my eyes lazily. God, what a night. Kuja's body was still curled up against mine, his hair tousled playfully. He hadn't been rough, but I think I may have been. It had been so long since the last time I had... well, you understand. There had been a couple of times during the night when Kuja had told me to be gentler, to slow down. I think he may have been a virgin... and maybe last night really had been his first kiss. I doubt he'd had much time for kisses and caresses on Terra. Nevertheless, he hadn't been about to go down without a fight. Plenty of energy... for such an inexperienced little thing.  
  
At my side, I heard a soft little moan, and watched beautiful eyes open slowly under dark lashes. "Good morning." I said gently, kissing his forehead. "...Oh..." he said, inching himself back under the covers. He was sleepy... and probably in a little pain. "You okay?" I asked, receiving a slight glare, mingled with a muttered response. "...I'm sorry. You told me to be gentle..." I ran my hand over his cheek softly, but he brushed it away. "Let me... let me sleep..." he whispered, burying his face in the pillow. So he had been a virgin, then. "...Sleep well, then." I said tenderly, slipping out of the bed carefully and locating my clothes. He looked like a doll in that huge bed. A somewhat ill doll. His face was flushed, but peaceful. I stood, getting ready to leave. When I was halfway to the door, his voice met my ears.  
  
"Hey... Hey, where are you going...?" I turned around to see him propped up on his elbows, looking at me with hurt in his eyes. And then I understood... 'Don't leave me. I need you more than you know.' He did need me. And he was scared to death that if I left... he'd be alone in his nightmare of a world. "I thought you said..." I trailed off. It didn't matter. He wanted me there with him. He extended a hand as though to grab me and keep me from leaving. I walked over to him, pulling his tiny body into my arms. He nuzzled my neck with his forehead, whispering words I couldn't hear. It took him a half hour to recover, then he was back to h is normal self. And he jumped right into his story, and flowed over the intricacy of his assault on Zidane's friends. Now, he was ready for the part I had been so curious about... the part concerning Mount Gulug.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
=I carried little Eiko for a while, even though she didn't care for the arrangement. She settled down eventually, pouting but cooperative. She kept saying "Where are you taking me! This is no way to treat a lady! Put-me-down!" I wish I could have gotten to know her a little better... she was a fun companion when she wasn't struggling. She would poke me in the shoulder, point to an object, and ask me what it was while we were on board the airship. The trip was interesting enough, until Zidane started following us... then, it got even more interesting. She tried to shout his name, but of course, I couldn't let that happen. I put her to sleep, and handed her to one of the Black Mages. I had more important things to take care of without worrying about some pathetic summoner girl's complaints. Or so I said. Truth be told, I felt horrible, and almost wanted to yell for Zidane myself.  
  
I made my way into Esto Gaza... but I paused at the main door, letting the Black Mages in first. I don't know why, but for some reason, I felt nervous. This was the home of the Shimmering Island, the Path of Souls. I followed the last of the Mages in, and stood for a moment. I walked over to the Priest, and asked for entrance. For some reason, he allowed me to pass without question. Maybe he was afraid... I don't know. Whatever the case, I made my way past him and onto Mount Gulug. I had to use the Gulug Stone to open the mountain's Seal, of course... and I had to use it again to activate the Magic Circle. But the trip there was a trip through hell.  
  
I never could stand darkness like that. Old, decaying duskiness in the shadows under the mountain. I had eventually gotten used to the bright light of Terra... but I don't think I could have gotten used to that dingy underground world. No small wonder that the race of moles once living there died off. I kept glancing around nervously, expecting something to come out of nowhere. And it was awful when something large, red, and scaly with wings happened to pop up...  
  
** "...Did anyone else hear that?" Kuja asked anxiously, looking around. It wasn't his imagination this time... he really had heard something. Something was moving... and it was close. He stopped, and looked around. It had sounded like... wings? Dragon wings. He had heard that sound enough to tell what it was. "Run." he said calmly, looking at the Black Mages. Those closest to him turned around as though questioning his order. "Run, you fools!" he exclaimed loudly, running away as a Red Dragon landed where he had been standing only moments before. The Mages ran away, but Kuja turned to face the beast. "Take Eiko to the Circle and wait... I'll join you in a few moments." he said, mostly to those who were nearby to hear. When they were out of the way, he turned his attention to the dragon.  
"...You're not the most incredible creature I've ever seen," he remarked. The Red Dragon roared furiously, sending a wind attack his way. The Genome slipped out of its way easily, returning the favor with a Blizzaga attack. Angered by the weakening ice, the Dragon lifted itself and flew back into the shadows. "...An easy fight. Too bad, Zidane... you face a provoked dragon."**  
  
And he did have to face the dragon and one of its closest friends. However... it didn't stop him from doing everything in his ability to make it to the Magic Circle. I was unable to draw any Eidolons from Eiko, and I made a cruel decision. I inderectly told Zorn and Thorn to kill her. By taking her Eidolons forcibly before she turned sixteen, I could have killed her. A six year old, and she would have been dead if Zidane hadn't arrived... she uncovered the Eidolon I had detected... Madeen. With it, she was able to defeat Zorn and Thorn... but in the process, she lost a dear friend. Her best friend, a moogle named Mog. I won't... I won't explain. Zidane and his friends defeated the combined jesters... and met Hilda, the wife of Regent Cid. They returned to Lindblum...=  
  
"Yes? And?" I pressed. He looked up, slightly dazed. "Blase..." he said slowly. "What?" I replied, feeling uncertain for some reason. What... What was going on? His eyes met mine.  
  
"Blase... that's it. That's all I have to tell you."  
  
Author's Note: OOOOOOOH, yeah! That was worth waiting for, right? Except... now it's a cliffhanger. Again. You've done the reading, so... click the little "review" button, and we're on our way! 


	14. This is Goodbye

  
  


Author's Note: *just waking up from what appears to have been a long nap* ...Hi, everyone! Angel of Death 87, Shadow66, you guys have GOT to learn patience. Have I ever failed to produce an off-balance chapter somewhere during a fic? Have I ever failed to give you a halfway decent storyline? Yes... I think it was called "Don't Love Me"... No, Shadow, I hadn't already written it yet. You haven't missed it. Unless you live in the year 2005, in a world where chaos is law and law is pizza... (ask my cousins, I have NO idea). 

Senya Starseeker... stop, you're making me blush! Yep, I'm a Grade 7 authoress... I forgot I mentioned that. I have the book you referred to, but I have yet to read it... I'll have to get around to that. I'm somewhat lazy... Oh, and I am VERY VERY VERY... *goes on for an hour or so* ...VERY proud of this fic!

Neko... nothing desperate! I updated! See? Update! Get away from that thing... whatever it is. Wait... are you... isn't that the angry mob from BbL? *Neko nods* ...They're all tied up... and you have... a microphone... OH NO! Neko, NO! *Neko starts singing* *mob screams and writhes in pain* ...Darn. Just when they were about to become reviewers, too... Oh, well... let me help... *grabs a microphone and sings along* *random guy is crying... and those ain't tears of joy* So... was that the drastic thing you were talking about? *Neko: No...* O.o

Misunderstood, I happen to enjoy cliffhangers... if you couldn't tell. Unless a certain authoress decides to discontinue her fic after a cliffhanger... *takes a moment to glare at Twilight's Star* ...hey, Unknown Heaven was an excellent fic... but I was talking to Misunderstood over here... thanks for reviewing again! I do say, you've become quiet loyal!

And TS... sorry your computer was being an ass. The one I use for typing gets that way, too... it's good for typing, using the scanner, printing (when it wants to), playing cheap games (the ones that come with movies, and promo games), DVD (again, when it wants to), and not a whole lot else. It gets "tired" and freezes randomly. And the laptop is slow-ish (I know I've complained about that a lot... ^^;), but at least it gets internet. You can't send the review? Yep, happened to me before. Many a time. I tried to review Misunderstood's fic yesterday AND I COULDN'T. 

  
  


DESERT PALACE

I looked at him. "You're lying." He shook his head. "...Not at all. That's all I have... to tell." An awkward moment of silence fell between us. He was... finished? How could that be possible? It would mean... my time with Kuja was... over? How was that even possible...? "Then... what will become of me?" I thought out loud, pulling him into my arms in an almost subdued mood. "What will become of me... now that I don't have you to allude me from my past?" I asked, as he sat unmoving in my embrace. "...Blase... you don't have to leave..." he said, and I twinged from the sound of hope in his voice. "You don't have to leave me... you could stay. I... I have to go somewhere, but I'll be home soon... and I could tell you all about it!" I looked down, and saw bright eyes sparkling with tears. He knew I couldn't stay. He knew already what I would have to do. "Kuja... I'm sorry." I said simply, wiping away a dancing tear that dared to stain his delicate cheek. He was really more of a friend than a lover. 

  
  


"...Then... you're going back to Jani?" he asked. I nodded. "Kuja, someone gave you a second chance... I'll give her this last chance. Something in your story... made me realize... maybe someone needs to listen to hers." But his words played back through my head again... "Don't leave me. I need you more than you know." "Kuja... about what you said a few nights ago... I'm sorry. But I have to leave." I finished sadly. He shook his head, smiling. "You're right, Blase. You have to go. She misses you... you and I both know that... and we both knew we couldn't stay together. But at least... at least this way, I can visit you... it's much better than suicide, wouldn't you agree?" he teased, smiling warmly. Gods, but I would miss him. "...So this is it, then?" I said softly, touching his cheek gently. He nodded. "This is goodbye." he finished, and I didn't hear any sadness at all in his voice. I'd miss my storyteller, but I knew in my heart I wouldn't regret leaving him for Janira Razhal.

  
  


I looked at Kuja again, knowing it would be a long time before I saw him again. That silver hair fell over his shoulders and my own hand on his face. Without his makeup, his eyes stood out vividly, deeper than an ocean and finally without pain. The sheets clung to his body from the static electricity, showing off his curves. His tail, which had been twisted around my ankle, finally released it and went back to swishing placidly. "...I'm leaving in the morning, Blase..." he said softly, then looked away. "...So soon?" I asked, knowing I was leaving at the same time. Why bother to stay... the life he brought with him everywhere would be gone. He closed his eyes. "...One more story." he whispered. "I need to think of one more story... I have to." A sparkling tear slipped down his cheek, staying on his lip for a brief moment before finishing its course. "I have to keep you here for just a while longer..." he finished, opening his eyes again. "K-kuja... I... I'll stay without a story... I'll stay just for you." Silence fell between us again. Before long, Kuja whispered something to me... singing. I don't remember what he sang, exactly. 

  
  


But I remember one of the lines he sang...

  
  


"You always reached out to me... and helped me believe-all those memories we shared, I will cherish every one of them..."

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Kuja left for Terra the next day, to face off with Garland and Zidane. He left me with a promise... "Blase, I'll come back. I promise." 

  
  


Come with me, I'm fading underneath the lights... come with me... come with me... come with me now...

  
  


Kuja... you promised you'd never lie to me.

Author's Note: Short, very. But it's a closing chapter. The next chapter will be longer. Because it's beautiful. And it's the last one. Damn. 

  
  



	15. The End

Mood Ring Sez: DARK GREEN-Romantic  
O.o?  
  
Author's Note: Last chapter. Omigod. I'm already this far? I thought I only typed chapter nine a few days ago... oh, well. Thank you time. For the last time! -_-;  
Angel of Death 87: I guess I should have explained that little fact earlier... *sweatdrop* This is another chapter with Jani in it. *soft, un- LeFox-ish sigh* And Kuja never returned... oh, the bittersweet endings I can dream up are endless... I wish I could just write a happy ending... oh, well. As for your patience, I'm the same way... except, I don't have much patience at all... Oh, your site's back up! *runs off to visit it* Now if I could just remember my password, I could link to you!  
Twilight's Star: Every time you review the last chapter (or review for the last time) you have an uplifting little saying in there that makes me feel happy. And that's really rare. "Keep your dream, and keep it alive." I'm gonna remember that one... And I expect you to review this, even if it takes a long time! It did sound like you were reviewing for the last time... I almost cried... I hate it when I get sentimental... that's really rare, too... *drinks Mint Hot Cocoa* ...THAT, however, is only when I'm nervous or stressed.  
Misunderstood: I know Blase and Kuja make a great couple! -^______^- They're so cute! So sad that they can't live together forever, eh? I haven't gotten to read your latest chapters, but I WILL!! Zoe and Kuja are the perfect couple (with some difficulties, of course). This fic is oh-so- close to being over... but I've got another fic in the process. *smiles wickedly* Actually, several... three, to be exact, and another one on FictionPress.com...  
ShiAne: Alternately warm and cold? That's good, isn't it? I'm not sure. You're enigmatic, you know that? ...That's a good thing, by the way.  
(So, where the heck is Neko??)  
(And where's Shadow66...?)  
  
(A note to TS: I hope this was early enough for you!! It was at least 56 WPM, and my fingers are really aching. And it's about two and a half pages long. That is my longest record yet.)  
  
ESTO GAZA  
I didn't hear about Kuja's death until Zidane came back to Alexandria. Actually, I overheard it when Zidane was talking to Queen Garnet on the stage... yes, I was at the play. Front row. It was where I re-proposed to Janira Razhal. She said yes... and even through my tears of loss, I was able to feel happy. I later sought out Zidane, and asked him what had happened. He didn't ask how I knew Kuja. He didn't ask why I wanted to know. He told me what had happened... how Garland had revealed that Kuja would only live a short while longer. Kuja had gone insane, and had decided to destroy the Crystal, source of all life. "...After that, it's personal." Zidane said softly, looking away.  
  
"Exactly why I need to know." I replied, wiping away one last tear. He looked at me strangely. "I made a point of not asking, but how exactly did you know Kuja?" he asked. I met his eyes evenly. "I knew Kuja as a friend. He told me everything about himself, Zidane... including how he felt about you. He told me about Madain Sari. He told me about Garland and Terra. Zidane, he told me everything... and I need to know the last parts of his story. He said... he said he'd tell me about it... when he came home." I choked on some of the words, and my throat was becoming very tight. Zidane hesitated. "He came to terms with himself. He didn't suffer when he died." he closed his eyes. When he finally told me the last bits and pieces of Kuja's story, I left him, feeling like I was walking through a fog.  
  
Jani met me with a concerned smile on her face. She didn't know what had happened to me over the past few months. She didn't ask. She didn't act like she cared... after all, she was only happy to have me back. But I felt it was time to tell her... about the man who had changed my life. About everything. I took her hand slowly, letting her react to the look on my face at her own pace. "Blase... what's wrong?" she asked carefully, looking worried. I smiled gently. "It's almost time for us to begin forever, Jani... but I want to share the past with you." I told her, leading her to the small airship she and I had ridden over to Alexandria.  
  
I started at the beginning. I carefully described my thoughts of suicide that day, and my first thoughts of Kuja. The sadness he seemed to be carrying, and his deep, sorrowful voice, the self-hatred covered with narcissism... his beauty, his weak strength, his wisdom and power, his pain and laughter. I depicted the room where we had spent so much time together. I told her about his offer-one more night of rest while he told me his story. I told her about Kuja revealing his tail, and revealing his origin. How he had told me about his birth as a Genome on Terra, how Garland had treated him. Her eyes reflected her pity for Kuja. He would have hated that. Kuja didn't want pity.  
  
Retelling Kuja's story made me realize just how well I had listened to him... just how much I had stood firm with my promise: to listen. I had judged along the way, but always in Kuja's favor. Hearing it from his point of view showed me the unusual but inescapable beauty of his life. In the back of my mind, I could feel Kuja standing there, making sure I told her exactly what he had said to me.  
  
"He told me so much, Jani. But most of all, what I remember is Madain Sari. It was an experience he wanted to forget, and yet... he wanted to remember it enough to never make the same mistake. And you know what? He never did... he never controlled one of his own creations by means of torture. In that way... he was better than Garland." I continued the story long into the night. When we finally slept... Kuja finished his own story. Finished it for me.  
  
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=The arrival on Terra was slightly rougher than I would have hoped, the Path of Souls didn't take to carrying one more passenger as well as a dragon. The blue world unfolded around me, fading from bright white to the tints and shades of blue... they appeared almost as in a watercolor painting. I remember feeling my breath pass into my lungs and out again. That's how still the air on Terra was... stifling. The blank blue sky spread out above me, scattered with the strange formations Terra seemed to be made of. I believe they were either rocks or trees at one point. Silver flew off, presumably to find and kill Garland for me... save me the trouble. That was her mistake.  
  
Garland found her first, and viciously controlled her. In that way, I lost the only friend I had on Terra. I didn't even know until it was too late. I was too busy summoning the power of the Invincible. Garland wasn't in control of it, so it yielded to my wishes. The souls the Invincible held captive cried out for a new master. They were waiting for me. They had hungered far too long for freedom, for new bodies, or at least for an end to their long and slow torment. They embraced my entrance and domination with pleasure. I was ready for them as they were ready for me... but I was seeking only one soul in particular... the soul of Queen Brahne. The only soul with enough greed, enough hunger for power... enough to force me into Trance.  
  
That was it, Blase. The "way to beat them" that I spoke of. I really screwed myself there.  
  
I watched from above as Garland forced Silver, my gentle dragon, to fight Zidane. I watched as Zidane and his friends killed her, not knowing what she really was... who she really was. Then, I was a witness to Garland's defeat at the hands of his own creation. His own perfect little creation defeated him. And then... then, it was my turn to act. A showdown with my own brother, along with my own little Black Mage, the Summoner whose mother's vicious soul would bring her to her knees, and a Knight who sought to eliminate me. I allowed myself to be defeated... or so they thought... I went into Trance, and my own soul fled to the back of my mind with fear as Brahne's ugliest side surged forth.  
  
I was able to defeat them with ease, but the worst was yet to come. Garland spoke to me from beyond the Void, taking away my pride and confidence with every word he said. I was mortal. Even someone as vain as I could tell that it had always been the case... but the worst part of all was when he revealed that I wouldn't live long. 'You'll be dead soon.' I was truly devastated. What had been simple overconfidence became fear. What had been an urge became a need. What had been my inner core was shattered... I no longer knew who I was. I didn't recognize "Kuja." That part of me had vanished again, running away. I wanted to follow it, to keep my self with me. But I couldn't even feel my legs.  
  
I did what felt natural... I destroyed. I destroyed Terra. I wanted to kill all of the Genomes, Zidane, and Garland... but of course, Zidane and Terra marred my plans. Terra, in her last breath, took Garland herself, letting his soul live on. Zidane took the Genomes on the Invincible. He took them to Gaia. I was knocked unconscious from my own blast... Blase... if only I could have stayed that way... I felt peaceful then, as though you were still with me. But I woke up in the Crystal world, facing my final judgement. With its power, I created four Chaos guardians, and blanketed the world with Mist. I made the Iifa Tree work harder, harder, and harder... until finally, it was creating as much Mist as possible. And then, I waited for Zidane.  
  
He didn't disappoint me.  
  
(Blase, I don't have much time left... I can't delay with the details of the fight. I have to leave in the morning... this time for good.)  
  
When the battle was over, I fell. I fell into the very heart of the Iifa Tree, and heard the Tree raging around me. But at its heart, it was much like myself. In fact... that's where I found my own soul... Kuja. I found myself, I found out what life really meant... it meant being who you were and not lingering on what you can't change...  
  
In my heart, I heard Zidane cry out with pain. He was weak. So were his friends... but only Zidane was thinking of me. Me. Kuja, the one who had put him through so much pain... he was feeling sorry for me. I used all of the magic I could manage without killing myself to summon them to the outside of the Iifa Tree, where they would be in plain sight of the Hilda Garde 3, where Regent Cid watched the battle from above. I didn't plan on Zidane's reaction to my farewell.  
  
He actually wanted to save me! He sent his friends away with an impressive and moving speech, then shouted to me... "Kuja, I'm coming to get you!" ...It brought tears to my eyes. He could still care about me. I returned some remark about how he could still escape. Why did he have to risk his life for me? Why should he? "Just shut up and stay where you are!" And then, he plunged to save me... I don't know what happened to him on the way, but soon... he was by my side, telling me that my life had meaning. Telling me that I shouldn't give up.  
  
I remember blacking out just before the vines surged toward us. I dimly remember Zidane throwing his body over mine, telling me to hold on, just hold on, it'll be okay... and then... it was over. It really was okay. I was gone. I was dead, but only on the outside. My soul rejoiced, finally set free... Blase...  
  
I'm finally free...=  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`  
  
I woke up the next morning with tears shining in my eyes. Kuja stood before me, then faded slowly away as Jani woke up beside me. In the long run, I had learned Kuja's story. But underneath his story, there was someone else's.  
  
...Mine.  
  
THE END  
  
Author's Note: Oh, I love this fic, and anyone who DARES to tell me otherwise will die and burn in hell eternally!! I have another fic or two in the works, and one already up, so review, and run along and read the other one! Cya there!  
  
~LeFox, December 12, 2003 


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